Psalm 8:3-4
“When i look at the night sky and see the work of your fingers- the moon an the stars you set in place- what are mere mortals that you should think about them, human beings that you should care about them?” (Read Psalm 8 its a banger)
I have been thinking about this verse today. In the Christmas season, we know that God cared sooo much about us that he sent his son in the form of man, so that we can be reconciled with him forever. But i still think sometimes when we get lost in the sauce of life we question, why did God care so much?
A big part of our time here in Guatemala has been spent finding our true identity. Asking the question, “Who does God say i Am?” and sometimes getting some hard to believe answers.
So far God has called me a woman of stillness, and that from a still place i gain wisdom and energy. That’s pretty amazing except for the fact that when i got to Guatemala i had no idea how to be still. If you know me you know i am high energy physically and mentally. I like to always be moving and doing something and my mind is running 3 different possible scenarios of what can happen, is telling me I’m hungry, is wondering why I’m tired, is trying to figure out what is going on, and a thousand other thoughts. And simultaneously a lie will creep into the mix.
When i got to Guatemala, i was scared that I wouldn’t experience as much growth as i did in Romania out of the irrational fear that God was done with me. I was so so wrong. The difference now is that God doesn’t want me to work for growth, and he doesn’t want me to fight the battles he should be fighting.
When God called me to stillness, i really asked him, “Are you talking to me?” and of course his answer was yes. At first this stillness thing was so hard for me, i fell asleep one time, then the next time i gave up, then the next time i beat myself up. It was so frustrating. Then I realized i was asking myself, “Who am I to a really big God that he cares if I’m still, or if I’m fighting my own battles?”
I had a one on one with my squad mentor because at this point, its week 2 in Guatemala and I’m so frustrated because i dont feel like I’m growing and i dont know what is going on. After some inner healing and a girls weekend i realized that God wants more of me, he wants to fight my battles which means i have to stand firm and be still. God wants my desire to see results and my attitude of working for something until i get it. He wants to do all the work and wants me to praise him.
In the midst of all this, i am finding my passion for God’s truth and the things that he speaks over us. My team and I did an activity where we all wrote down lies we had spoken over ourselves for years and replaced them with God’s biblical truths. For me this brought so much revelation to see what god actually says about me, and even more, what he promises me. He never tells us to go out into the battle and hope to come back victorious. He tells us to put on the full armor of God(Ephesians6), stand firm, knowing that you dont fight for victory but from it.
All this time i spent running in circles trying to be the Achilles of my battles slashing all my enemies and leaving God on a lawn chair on the sidelines to watch when really, i should watch him fight for me and praise him for it(aka: being still)
So Who am I to a really big God?
I am a sought after daughter of a king that values stillness and truth and is worth going to battle for because my father sacrificed everything to be reconciled with me and his pursuit of my heart will never end, but continue to cast light of every enemy that comes to oppress me.
This past month in Guatemala it was hard to blog because I didn’t always understand where i was at, and even now there is still more healing and stillness that needs to happen and more truth that needs to be brought into my life. I can’t say its always easy and that i always love to hear what God has to say, but i know this: I’d rather wrestle with Abba about truth, then settle with the enemy for a cheap lie.
