I was born in a little town in Virginia called, Wise. I grew up with two wonderful parents and an older sister and brother. I later got an additional older sister and little sister, who I am so thankful for. My family is far from perfect, but I love that I get to live life with them and they have always shown me unconditional love! As a kid, I lived a pretty carefree life. I just hung out with family and friends, went to church, and went to school. I struggled with some fears, but nothing major. At nine-years-old I decided to give my life to Jesus. I discovered my need for His forgiveness and that I would not get to spend eternity with Him if I did not give my life to Him. I think I understood that I needed Jesus at that time, but I didn’t quite understand His love or complete forgiveness.
I then went into the “wonderful” years of middle school. In sixth grade I started struggling with anxiety about many things. I grew a really unhealthy fear of God and began believing a lot of lies about God and myself. The funny thing is that my church and family did not give me these lies. They spoke about the love and grace of God, but I thought I had to work to earn God’s love and forgiveness. I lived in the constant fear that I was going to be thrown into Hell. As the year went on, my anxiety worsened and I grew depressed. I barely ate any food, I had a hard time concentrating in school, and I became isolated. I felt unloved, alone, ashamed, scared, and hopeless. I didn’t want to tell anybody that something was wrong, but my parents obviously noticed. My parents decided to send me to a Christian counselor and I was diagnosed with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, Anxiety Disorder, and Depression. I felt like those disorders identified me. The counselor patiently spoke truth into my life, prayed with me, provided me with encouraging passages from the Bible, and taught me ways to manage and overcome my anxiety. I also took medication for about two years. The medication helped some, but also made me feel emotionally numb. I did not want to have to to take the medication the rest of my life. There were so many people in my life who walked with me and prayed over me in this dark place, even when I was not really honest or open with them about what I was experiencing. I am so thankful for them! I did not get over my struggle in a day. I walked through this place of wilderness for a little over seven years. I had many breakthroughs, but there were some setbacks. I went through seasons of struggling with eating disorders and people-pleasing. Sometimes I would think I had conquered a certain anxiety and it would creep back into my life. I’m going to be honest, there were many times I just grew so weary and didn’t want to keep going. I was scared that I would never be completely free from my anxiety and depression. Sometimes I would question God and believe the lie that He was the one Who arranged for me to have anxiety, depression, and OCD. Friends, that is a blatant lie! God is love and there is no fear in perfect love (1 John 4:18)! God does not give you things that lead to spiritual death. Depression and anxiety are from the enemy (John 10:10)!
As time went on, I began to learn the truth about Jesus and His love. I learned that He really does love us and we can’t earn His love. One day, I think I was eighteen, I got on my knees and told Jesus that I couldn’t be perfect and that I desperately needed Him. In that moment, I surrendered all my efforts and ALL myself to Jesus. I felt more freedom. Throughout the next three years, Jesus continued to heal me, push me out of my comfort and fear, and speak truth to my heart. One day I was hiking and I heard my Heavenly Father say, “I love you with a pure love.” Those seven words brought so much healing and comfort to my mind and heart. I am loved with a pure love, a love that will not waver or break. The almighty God of the universe actually loves me with His perfect love and it’s not because I did something good or didn’t do something bad (Romans 5:8). I learned that I am covered in the righteousness of Jesus because He took on my punishment for all of the wrong things I have done. Jesus destroyed my disobedience, my depression, and my death. He rose from the grave and now, since I have given my life to Him, I get to rise with Him (2 Timothy 2:11). My old self is gone, and I am made new in Christ (2 Corinthians 5:17)! I can enter into the Holy presence of God because He sees me clothed in the righteousness of Jesus. How AWESOME is that?!
Jesus can heal in an instant. My healing took years. I like to say God did heart surgery on me. He took my wounded heart, revealed the many lies and insecurities, and replaced all of the broken parts with His truth and love. There were times I questioned God and feared that I would never be healed. In all of those seven years God, surrounded me with people who showed me His love and prayed for me. There were times, even when I was confused about who God was, that He met me with His peaceful, powerful presence and comforted me.
Fast forward a little bit, and I will be getting on an airplane to 11 different countries to tell people about the true love and forgiveness of Jesus! One of my biggest anxieties used to be leaving my family and riding on airplanes. I am going to be riding multiple airplanes and leaving everything I know, and I am actually excited about it! I want you to know, I am not able to do this trip because I am fearless or a “good person”. I still struggle with sin and sometimes fear, but I have Jesus walking with me and helping me overcome those things. I am a forgiven person and empowered by Christ! I am truly victorious in Christ (1 Corinthians 15:57)! You can be too! God is so good and can truly turn your mourning into dancing. He can turn what the enemy meant for destruction into something amazing!
-If you are reading this and are struggling with anything that you want to talk about with me, please let me know! Please know YOU ARE NOT ALONE. It can be scary, but there is so much healing in just talking and being vulnerable. I would love to listen and pray with you! We can seek God together and encourage one another. You can email me at [email protected] or message me on Facebook.
-If you don’t know who Jesus is and want to know more, I would love to talk with you about Him. He is really awesome and I’ve never known a greater love than His!
*If you made it to the bottom of this, thank you so much for taking part in this journey and reading this post! Know you are loved!!!!*
