I‘m in a boat. I have a paddle in my hands, but I’m not using it. Rather, it’s sitting on my lap. I am far from where I came from, but I can see the shore up ahead. It is still far away from me, but I can still see it. And it looks good. No…it looks amazing. I can only imagine what it’ll truly be like. Everything in me wants to reach it. Yet, I wait, keeping the paddle out of the water.
Allow me to explain.
Over the last few years I have been paddling hard. I have been working hard to balance school, sports, relationships, family time, church, and on and on. In addition, I have been trying to discover where the Lord wants me to go and what He wants me to do. I have been paddling hard trying to find that place. Right. Left. Right. Left. At times, the waters have been smooth, while other times I thought I was going to sink. At times, I was in open area thinking I could see what comes next, while other times I was on a river where the only thing in front of me was just another bend.
That was last year. I was going along on a river hoping at every bend that I’d round the corner and come to an open body of water where maybe, just maybe, I could see where God was taking me. But every corner I rounded was just more river.
It was hard. I wanted to give up. My arms were tired of paddling and I often wondered if it was even worth it. Was there anything even ahead? Would I ever make it?
In His love and grace, the Lord met me in that weariness. He promised me that He had a plan for my future, but I needed to fully trust Him. I needed to stop paddling and allow Him to lead me in the waiting.
I don’t think of myself as a control freak, but I will admit to being more comfortable when I know what’s going on. But that’s what following Jesus is about, right? Fully surrendering everything over to Him, even control.
I’d be lying if I said I listened to God right away. I didn’t. In fact, I’d even say I wrestled with Him for a while.
But God, how am I supposed to get where I’m going?
Trust Me.
Come on, God. I can at least paddle some.
Trust Me.
Please just tell me where You’re taking me.
Trust Me.
It went back and forth for months. Until finally I was so exhausted. I was at the end of myself and I realized that I could only find rest in the Lord. I pulled the paddle out of the water and laid it on my lap. I surrendered all control.
Okay God. Wherever You want to take me, that’s where I want to go.
And so, He led me.
That was some of the most peaceful months I’ve ever lived. Peace like a river, or on a river. Yes, occasionally I’d think about trying to take control. My hands would begin to wrap around the paddle. My grip would tighten. But then I’d hear that still small voice.
Trust Me.
One day the Lord brought me to another bend. We rounded the corner and there it was. An open body of water. Across the shimmering water, off in the distance, I saw it. Shore. The shore where He was taking me.
I picked the paddle off my lap and went to put it in the water. But once again I heard that still small voice.
Trust Me.
But God, I see it. I’m ready. Let’s go!
Wait.
But God, that’s where You want me to go!
Look around at where you are now.
That brings me to now. Every single day I have to intentionally choose to fully trust God, because every ounce in me wants to paddle as fast as I can to get to that shore. If I could, I would be done with school now and jump right to the big things that God’s got planned for me. But I look around and see where God has brought me. It’s beautiful. It may not be as clear as spending my summer leading mission trips at Myrtle Beach or doing missions full time for 11-months in 11 different countries. Nonetheless, it’s still beautiful.
Today as I am writing this, I am 60 days away from college graduation. Each one of those 60 days is a gift from God. I don’t want to waste a single moment that God has blessed me with. I realize it’s not easy. I figured that out a long time ago. But one thing I am learning is that being intentional and fighting this urge to wish away a season of life is something that I am going to need to know for the rest of my life.
So I sit in the boat on the water. I keep the paddle on my lap, waiting for the Lord’s guidance. I anticipate what the shore may hold. But I look around at the beauty of what is around me and I thank God for it. I’m still learning to surrender daily all control and allow the Holy Spirit to guide me, but I know He is good and His plans are good. Therefore, I am going to rejoice in Him.
This is the day that the Lord has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it. – Psalm 118:24
