From Based to Placed
I’ve spent a lot of time researching God… Any fellow enneagram 5’s reading? If so, you know how it goes.
Step 1- hear, read, or encounter something you don’t understand.
Step 2- research like a mad man via the internet, article databases you’re subscribed to, and the network of people around you.
Step 3- continue research.
Step 4- become an expert of said topic.
Step 5- one of two extremes: A. withhold this precious information in the depths of your mental filling cabinet or B. spill out to anyone that will listen.
I feel like this is how I’ve treated God in the past. I don’t understand Him, so I turn to any literature or people or internet search that will enable me to fully grasp what and who God is. Perhaps needless to say, it hasn’t worked out for me. I studied biology in hopes of better understanding how God and science intertwine but learned to accept that maybe science is just a tool for glorifying God. Like, you can’t study the human body in anatomy and physiology and genuinely believe that it all started with a couple of random atoms colliding. God has so intricately knit us together in such a unique, intentional way; where form follows function and no one can explain its perfection. There are so many things science just can’t explain and (as much as I hate to admit it) there are so many things my human brain cannot, will not, and probably should not understand. Yet, I’ve treated God as if he is some 3,000 piece puzzle- challenging but with some time, patience, and dedication…totally do-able.
I’ve compartmentalized God, placed him in his own mental filling cabinet, closed it, and felt perfectly content with what I know. After he radically interrupted my life during my freshman year of college, I believed that there was a certain progression of spiritual growth that had to take place before I could really know him. I thought that maybe I had to do the right things, say the right words, and think the right thoughts to receive what He had to offer me. And I genuinely wanted to receive it. Who doesn’t want to experience an everlasting, overwhelming, all consuming love? Who doesn’t want the fruit of the spirit? Who doesn’t want spiritual gifts? The stuff you read about in the Bible is mind boggling, mind blowing, and miraculous. But the stories of the Bible are reserved for just that… stories… right? Don’t get me wrong, I truly believe that everything in the Bible really happened. I believe that when it comes to the facts of events that happened, there really isn’t much room for interpretation. That means that the Red Sea actually split. That means that David killed Goliath with one stone and a sling shot. That means that God radically interrupted Saul on the road to Damascus. And it means that Jesus rose from the dead. But what about today? If the Bible gives us a glimpse into the character of God and we believe that the events of the Bible actually happened, where does that place us in our beliefs of today?
So let’s talk about Love (and yes, I mean to capitalize it). So many of us have the idea that the love we give and the love we receive is the only way to encounter love. We talk about first loves and falling in love and falling out of love and broken love and messy love and puppy love and a mother’s love… and we try to talk about unconditional love, while indirectly placing conditions on it… my point here is that the love we often relate to is based on something or someone. We love people based what they do for us, how they make us feel, or because of their position in our lives. Seriously think about that for a minute. When it comes down to it, you decided to marry your husband or wife based on how well they treated you or made you feel. You love your brother, sister, mother, and father because you were born into the position and they cared for you in some capacity. You love your friends because they show up for you and check on you and do kind things for you. (I’m not saying this to be shallow but to illustrate that the love we know, experience, and give is limited.) So we think that in order to receive love we have to say and do and be all these things for other people… and we treat God the same way. Have you ever said something like “okay God, I’ll follow you or do this but first you have to “? Or maybe you said something like “God, I’ll commit to you and love you with all my heart when you “. I’ll be the first to raise my hand. I have treated my love for God as an offering for His services and I’ve done the same thing with His love for me. “God, if you just ,Then I’ll really believe you love me.” “God, if I , will you love me then?” For the first time with a fresh perspective, I am learning that God’s love is not based on me, it’s simply placed on me. Truth is, we will probably never truly understand or feel that we deserve His love. There is absolutely nothing I can do, say, or think to make Him love me. He loves me because He chooses to love me, not in spite of me but because I am His daughter. He loves me because He is Love. Love is his name. What if we started believing that and letting Him do His job as Abba, father?
Now let’s talk about power. At launch Deon, our squad coach, said something to the effect of “you can’t expect anything less than what the Bible says about God. If he split the sea, he will do it again.”
I’ve been reading the book of Acts and it’s totally wrecking my life… in the best of ways. I love the power that is in the stories of Acts. I love reading things like tongues of fire coming down, filling the apostles with the Holy Spirit as they all spoke in tongues (Acts 2). Things like Peter healing a beggar (Acts 3) and the apostles performing signs and wonders (Acts 5) and just how frequently the Holy Spirit falls and fills people (see: literally all of Acts). I find myself laughing at how nonchalant the Bible is about all of these incredible stories but more recently I am finding myself somewhat frustrated. Frustrated because I so desperately want to encounter the Holy Spirit in the same way… and if the same things that happened in the Bible are available today, why can’t I experience them? While I just started unpacking this and might be unpacking for awhile I think that maybe it’s not a matter of “can’t” but a matter of acceptance. Accepting that it’s really not about me… that just like God’s love doesn’t depend on me, His power also doesn’t depend on me. Whether or not I have a gift of tongues, prophecy, healing, interpretation, or knowledge does not determine God’s power, purpose, or plan for my life or the lives of those around me. If the Bible says that the Holy Spirit dwells in me, I believe that it does. So I therefore know that God’s power is not based on me or who I am, but on who He is and what He places in me. So I’m starting to believe that I don’t have to live in the same thought patterns. I’m learning to be content with the fact that everything I am, and everything I will become, is not at all based on me; I have nothing to do with it whatsoever.
God’s love is not based on me, it’s placed on me.
God’s peace is not based on me, it’s placed in me.
God’s joy is not based on me, it’s placed in me.
God’s truth is not based on me, it’s placed on me.
God’s Grace is not based on me, it’s placed on me.
God’s power is not based on me, it’s placed on me.
God’s image of us, how he sees us, is not based on us but placed on us. You are perfect, spotless, and blameless in His eyes.
