I’ve been pretty sick, and I don’t say this for pity or sympathy but I’ve felt physically like crap and in the midst of my ill health the Lord has been so so sweet to me.
Monday at our Awakening was the beginning of day 5 of my sickness and the Lord was so sweet. We have a wonderful lady named Erika who is catering and hosting our Awakening event. Before you think “Awakening… that sounds interesting…” let me explain… we call this the Awakening because it is A squad (a different gap year squad) and B squad (my squad) meeting up to share stories, worship, intercede, go make disciples, encourage and build up each other and be refreshed by the body. But back to Erika, the sweetest servant of the Lord, she took me and my team leader to the clinic very promptly upon hearing that I was sick. She took us for free, which cost her gas, what a gift from Abba. At the clinic the doctor gave me some antibiotics, and I was able to get some Vitamin C, and Sudafed type of medicine and all of it including the prescriptions for consultation was less that 30 American dollars… what, thanks Jesus!
When we got back to the camp we were staying at for Awakening which btw FREAKING BEAUTIFUL… which actually ties into another way the Lord was so sweet to me this day. There is a lake that the sun rises over and green grass and beautiful jungle plants and trees with the brightest purple flowers this girl has ever seen. This is also Abba answering a prayer or fulfilling words a dear friend wrote me in his letter to me to open on the race and he wrote “God will show you colors that you didn’t know existed.” I thought of this in a figurative sense at first but now I can see literally I’ve experienced many flowers that are colors I’ve never experienced before… absolutely miraculous… thank you Jesus for this placed you’ve blessed us to be able to stay at for Awakening.
Anyways bringing it back to when we arrived back at the camp we were staying at we got there just in time to experience some Holy Spirit listening prayer. B squad went outside as A squad spread out and closed their eyes. B squad came back in and chose someone to put a hand on their shoulder and then the person from A squad would without opening their eyes tell the person who had a hand on their shoulder what they heard Holy Spirit saying. This exercise in my experience was extremely powerful and another display of God’s sweetness. The girl who gave me a word from A squad’s name is Julia. She told me she saw powerful waves of the ocean and that these waves were God’s love and how powerful it is and that he is carrying me in his love. And in a moment of weakness physically where I felt like I was drowning in this sickness which was making all things seem more difficult the Lord showed me that in my weakest moments that’s when he is seen and made know strongest and most glorified. And we switched roles A squad went outside and B squad closed their eyes and even in my doubts as the Lord spoke through me and I wondered if it was even him God came through with words that spoke directly to the heard of the girl who laid her hand on my shoulder to receive a word. Her name is Morgan. After the exercise they asked people to come and share how the Lord spoke. And in my mind I honestly downplayed the weight of what Abba said as I fell to the temptation of comparison thinking some one else must’ve had a more profound word they would want to share than I did. But God continued to nudge me and confirm what He was calling me to do so I shared my story and Abba used it to encourage and build the bodies faith and I trust that. He also used it to show me more and more of his kindness and sweetness. God is speaking. Never doubt it. How sweet is Abba? He’s so darn worthy of all praise.
Don’t worry, Abba didn’t stop there with His sweetness. I don’t think you were worried but ya know, just Incase you were. Abba sent many people to care for me and ask me how I’m feeling throughout the day and I felt so seen and loved and I know God was showing me his sweetness through all of these brothers and sisters concern for my health. Abba also gave me permission to crawl into bed during “Funtime” and rest in him through journaling and taking a 4 hour nap which was very needed as I’ve been lacking sleep thru feeling awful physically. He’s just so sweet. I’m in awe. But as I woke up and looked at the time saying 5:10 I was like whoa, that was a good lengthy nap, thanks Jesus. My dear friend tay walks in the room saying “tay” and in that moment I felt loved and pursued, but God had more sweetness to give through her, she sat on my bed and began to tell me about the message she had just heard and gave me all the points that resonated with her and it was such a blessing to be able to hear bits of wisdom from a sermon I didn’t even get to experience first hand. And at the end she said that the woman sold stickers and you buy them in groups of three and guess what the stickers said “FREAKING BEAUTIFUL” and you’re supposed to keep one to hold and be reminded of how God sees you as FREAKING BEAUTIFUL, and give the other two away to whoever Abba calls you to. So dope. Tay loved me so well by allowing God’s love to overflow through her to me in this moment as she wouldn’t let me miss out of those bold stickers that spoke boldly of my identity and all daughters identity as children of God, and she handed me three of them. Wow. ABBA BE SO SWEET.
Later on Monday night we were in session and God was speaking through the speaker about having a “yes” in your Spirit for the things Abba invites us into. And afterwards she had us do a time of listening prayer on what that is that the Lord might be asking for each of our “yes” in. This week is debrief and we will have much more WiFi this week than we’ve had the whole past month and I’ve been super stoked to be able to talk to my mom tons during this time and not to mention I miss my mom especially now that I am sick she is my caretaker, my comforter, and my best friend and being sick without her is super hard. But the Lord has asked me not to surrender our relationship but to bless our relationship with breakthrough on both sides by giving up the communication I was so excited for this week so that I can die to my flesh and find all of my comforts in him so that He can bring huge breakthrough in this time. I may not see it now or understand it but I know that He knows best so I will not be communicating with my mom till the very last day of debrief. Never thought I would be asked to fast from calling my mom! Hahah and I know it’s only a week, but it still is really hard for my flesh to surrender that communication when there will be so many opportunities to communicate. I pray my mom grows deeper and deeper in this time also as I know God has lots he wants to do with both of our spiritual journeys through it. As I am sad about this fast from my mom I get back to my room and there are cough drops and an oil stick that helps you breath easier when sick laying on my bed and I thought where did these come from and Tay, my bunkmate for Awakening tells me that Marie our female coach who is a spiritual mom to our squad send these things for me and I felt a mother’s touch from Abba through Marie in that moment which brought me to tears and deeper trust that God knows what he’s doing. He’s just so sweet. Wow. I am also beyond thankful for the sweetness God has cultivated in my mom and I’s relationship, and he spoke to me saying that our relationship is a gift and blessing from him that he desires to continue growing deeper and stronger and he’s calling me to delayed gratification and surrender in our relationship so that he can be the most important thing to both of us and the first one we run to so that he can be center in our relationship and bless it even further. Oh my He is so so so sweet.
Another thing Abba did last night in his sweetness was have hospitality, which is my group write notes to put on tables at dinner and he spoke to me and tay through some of them and the one he spoke specifically to her about I was able to walk in the overflow of sweetness He was showing me and slip the note she loved into her backpack without her around for her to find later.
Tuesday at the Awakening God continued his sweetness… of course, it’s who he is. He woke tay and I up an hour early thinking we had to be somewhere but we didn’t so he gave us some coffee and allowed us to sit on the dock by the lake and spend time with him this morning. It was so sweet. Then as tay saw the notes I had picked up which spoke to me from the night before in my journal she said ah I wished I would’ve picked that one up. And I said “check the small pocket of your backpack” and she found the note that she wished she had that Abba had me place there last night. He’s so sweet.
Everyone went out to evangelize today and in my sickness Abba told me I wasn’t supposed to go. I wanted to go because in my finite perspective I thought evangelism is hard I want to go and be able to experience the exponential growth of stepping out of my comfort zone that everyone else is experiencing but Abba gave me a very clear no at the last second so I trusted him. He told me to go on a prayer walk and go sit down by the lake and as I prayed and interceded on everyone’s behalf that was going out evangelizing for Jesus to bear his fruit from it and save the lost people through the body stepping out in boldness, I stumbled upon a flock of sheep… there’s a lot of spiritual significance in sheep in my opinion and I had honestly never seen a heard of them firsthand before and there were shepherds building them and going after the one and Jesus showed me that the one is just as valueable as the flock. Today, I was the one, the one who didn’t go with the flock out to evangelize, and he showed me that it was actually a privilege to be chased down and pursued by him one on one. And we spent some sweet sweet quiet time together and he was just revealing to me deeper his reckless love for me. He’s SWEET.
And as people started showing up from evangelizing Megan a sweet squad mates of mine brought me the gift I had asked her to purchase with my card for Tay’s birthday tomorrow and Megan told me the Abba told her to buy it with her own money… HOW SWEET. Abba just keeps on sharing his sweetness with me today.
The Bible says, “Love is patient, love is kind.” And “God is love.” And God has been showing me just how kind he is and how his love is shown to me through his kindness and sweetness.
