This is the most vulnerable post I’ve made but it’s real of the process I’m walking through grieving this season change with the Lord. 9 months can seem to be a lot of time to go without anything normal. So here it is…
Honestly God, I don’t want to be here. My desire was not World Race for the season of this school year, but God I know I am meant to be here. You have called me here, and therefore, here is where I will be. Here is your best for me and because of that I will not only be here I will be here fully present and filled with joy because I am blessed to be chosen by you for such a purpose as this. I miss my mom God. It’s only day 3… and I miss her. I miss my Bible college friends, and honestly I’m grieving not being with them in this season. I know the squad I’m surrounded by is the family you have for me this year, but this transition is hard Lord. It’s hard to love these strangers as if they’re family. It’s hard to love them the way I love my Bible College friends and my actual family. I know as we grow together and spend more time that they will become just as much if not more like family to me than my Bible College family, but I’m not gonna lie, I’m grieving and mourning because I miss home, the home you made encompassing them and I: your children @ CCBC. God you’ve scattered us all over the World. It’s hard to understand why, but I know you have big things planned. To make each of us even stronger and deeper in relationship to you and the body of Christ. Thank you for the gift of being able to love them so deeply that even just a “See you later!” causes this much mourning. And in the midst of the mourning Abba, I will turn my eyes to you and say “Do what you want to, I trust you.” I release my family from CCBC + a few add ons. I release my biological family, yes, even my mom (ugh love her so much). I release my brothers and sisters in you back home. And I pray that you will lead them and me through this season of distance. I surrender all to you Lord. You are the object of my affections and there’s nothing I hold onto but you. Thank you for these people I have gotten the opportunity to love so deeply, and here’s to a new family World Race Gap B here I am. By the grace + love of God that is given to me freely I will love you as if you’re already family though now we are still getting to know one another. I will sacrifice my desires to put you all first in this season. And I will receive your love and care in this season. And even when I fall short I will accept your forgiveness and I will extend forgiveness to you 77 x 7 times. I am excited to do life together as the church for these next 9 months. I love you already B Squad. Thank you for coming around me to be my family this year.
Here’s a little something extra for those of you far away in this season:
“May the grace of our Lord be with you
Now and always
May you stay
Blameless till he comes
May the love of our Lord be with you
Now and always
May you stay blameless till he comes”
If you know you know. Speaking this over CCBC family again but also over the rest of the family too.
I love you.
-Tes
