SEASON CHANGE
I recently finished my first year at Calvary Chapel Bible College (CCBC). The 9 months I spent at CCBC we’re absolutely transformative in my life and my relationship with Christ. I learned many indescribable things as I majored in Biblical Studies at Bible College. To fit those 9 months of stretching, growing, trial some, joyful, and beautiful moments and experiences into a blog post would be far from the reality of the weight of what the Lord had in store for my life. Reflecting back on this season has taken me some time and I’m not even through debriefing with the Lord over all that he has taught me in this time. I am still processing, so forgive me as I try to put the work God did in my heart, down on this page.
God first began with breaking. Yes, that’s right, breaking. He broke down pieces of my pride, walls of insecurities, and any facade I upheld to try to protect myself from being vulnerable. He broke my tendency to swing from one extreme to the other. He broke me of my past sins, of sexual immorality, drunkenness, cursing, and all my filth and mess I lived in for so long. He broke me of my broken heart that held onto and buried deep within its core, traumatic experience after traumatic experience. He broke me of the pain of all the brokenness I have encountered personally and relationally. He broke my attachments to people and things other than Himself. He took my running self, and sat me down and made me feel, every last bit of pain, and then he healed, and mended and sealed my heart piece by piece with every breathe. I no longer run from my pain or internal turmoil, I know face it head on. As I’ve shared with you all these things, please understand that I have no where near completed all of them, I still struggle with my pride, sin, and past. But God has done a HUGE transformative healing work in those areas and I praise him.
Another thing the Lord taught me thoroughly is that either I lead or the Spirit leads, not both. The way to grow is by the Spirit not by the flesh. I can do nothing out of flesh or self that is anything of worth. All that comes from the flesh is vanity. But all that comes from the power and work of the Spirit within is holy and useful. I must be nothing, God must be everything. Anything out of self is pride, humility is of the Spirit. I am presented daily with more and more opportunities to die to self and be filled as an empty broken vessel with the Holy Spirit of the living God. I am not important or deserving of anything, and I am not the one who makes the plans. I simply follow the Lord’s lead into all things.
Worship is more than a song, it goes beyond lyrics, voices, and instruments. It goes beyond church pues and stain glass windows. Worship is a lifestyle of living every moment in LOVE. Love that comes from the One who is love himself. Love for him and for those around me. Worship is glorifying him in every moment and every interaction. I pray to have a heart of worship always.
All I NEED is Chris alone. No matter what I have. Currently $1 in my bank account, or thousands of dollars I am joyful, I am peaceful, and I am content because all I need is my relationship with Jesus Himself. He is my joy, hope, and love. Whether I have no friends or 100, I am okay, because Christ fulfills the lonely longings of my soul. Whether there is a future husband out there for me or not, Christ is enough for me. And that’s not easy, it’s HARD. It’s hard to believe that Christ is truly all I need, but I must believe because that is truth. He is a provider, and he knows what I need, and in every season he has and will continue to be so faithful! I have a $5,000 deadline in 7 days for my World Race funds, and I’m trusting and I’m believing in faith the the $275 ish dollars that I still need will come in just in time!
I pray that these few things the Lord has taught me over this past season at Bible College will speak to you! I pray that the Holy Spirit would minister to your heart and grow you in ways this day that you never dreamed possible. He exceeds every expectation, He is ENOUGH for you!
You are loved. May he bring your heart fullness of joy today and always!
Taylor Smith
