hey people. I am officially one month away from hopping on a plane and leaving America for nine months. A few weeks ago, I got back from training camp, and let me just tell you. The period between Training Camp and Launch is weird. so so weird. To be honest, I’ve been putting this blog off for a while. I originally wanted to write it directly after TC, but coming off of that, I found myself in this weird little funk. Writing a blog about what I was feeling just didn’t seem right, because truthfully, I didn’t even know exactly what I was feeling. But, now that I’ve come to terms with this, I wanted to be real for a hot second and get vulnerable.
I am struggling. Like majorly. The closer and closer the World Race gets, the more nervous I get. Don’t get me wrong, I am not doubting my decision to go on the World Race nor am I taking for granted this incredible opportunity the Lord has blessed me with, but I’m fully coming to terms with what a big sacrifice this is. I’m not even gone yet and I feel as if I’m already homesick. I won’t be able to lead a small group this year, work at camp next summer, or do a lot of things that I felt like God was calling me to before the World Race. Not to mention I’m going to miss my people so. so. much. The thought of not seeing certain faces every day for a whole nine months makes my heart ache. The idea to write this blog came from the realization that I haven’t allowed myself to be sad. It takes a lot to really upset me, and for so long I’ve pushed away the emotions of leaving and just pretended that they don’t exist. I didn’t want to give anyone the impression of being ungrateful or as if I was doubting the Race. I know fully that this is what the Lord has in store for me for the next year of my life, and I absolutely cannot wait to see what He does in my life and other people’s life on the field, but wow. I am going to miss home so badly.
A friend of mine left for college recently, and was talking about how sad she was. I laughed, and said, “Why are you sad? You’re only a few hours away.” and then it hit me. My version of being “away from home” is vastly different than most. (Not to undermine my college students out there, I can’t even imagine) I didn’t get the typical high school senior going off to college experience. I have serious FOMO (fear of missing out) and as everyone of my friends go off to college and start this amazing chapter, I couldn’t help but wonder what I was missing out on. Ha. There I go again. Underestimating what God has placed in front of me & putting Him in a box as if His plans aren’t so much bigger than mine. But the reality is – everything is still going to be here when I get back. My friends and I are going to pick up right where we left off. I’m still getting to go to college. The most important thing that I have learned through this season is surrendering everything (and when I say everything, I mean ERRYTHANG) to God. Not just saying that, but what it actually means to live it out. He’s going to take my life and accomplish something so much bigger in order to glorify His name.
Romans 12:1 says, “I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God – this is your true and proper worship.” As I mentioned earlier, God has been teaching me what it means to surrender fully to His will. Often we hear that word, “surrender” and we immediately think negatively. We think of someone in a battle waving a white flag and giving up. It’s scary to surrender. It really is. The thought of someone other than ourselves taking control is overwhelming. But this is my encouragement to anyone walking into a new season that they’re unsure of – whether that be college, a new job, or literally anything, be confident in God’s purpose. If you are following Him wholeheartedly, and offering yourself to Him, He is going to use that obedience. I promise you. He can do infinitely more than our little worldly minds can even imagine. I’m so pumped. I’m so pumped to see what God does in this next year, not just in my life on the field but in my friends lives who are going to college, staying home etc. Let His will be DONE.
