I’ve been dwelling on the season I’m in and why exactly I am in it. Hmm sounds familiar, doesn’t it? I’m attending Taylor University in little Upland, Indiana to study finance & intercultural studies. I am back in full on student mode, learning more and more about life. However, I have found myself being stuck in the past, thinking of life before there was a pandemic, masks, & social restrictions.
I’ve been wondering why I never wrote a blog to wrap up my time abroad. Was I not content with how it ended? Did I not want to sit on the fact it was over? Did I think with the race being over it meant the best was behind me? Honestly I’m not sure what I thought. Maybe I just wanted to hold on for one final touch from God. But will he not be with me still? So, I sit. I listen. I hold onto the growth of my faith. And I write this last blog post to share how ever faithful & loving our heavenly father is.
It was the beginning of March when we began our journey to Costa Rica, our last destination for the 9 months we planned. We had only briefly heard the words “The Corona virus” and we really paid no attention to it. We safely made it to Costa Rica, I was home, I had finally returned and I couldn’t have been more excited. I had been talking about Costa Rica the entire time and I just knew God had something there for me. We settled into a beautiful home and began to adjust our lives one last time to a new home. We got our ministry assignments. Each team only got to go a few times before we started getting news of places closing. “Sorry ministry is canceled”. “The U.S is closed down”. “Other squads have been sent home immediately.” “For now you will stay here”. “Oh wait, we are booking your flights home now” “BTW tell your parents that instead of being home a few months from now you’ll be home tomorrow”. “Wait what?” I thought. It all happened so fast. I was supposed to just accept the fact I was leaving the place I had waited 7 months for after only being there 2 weeks? I began to ask questions. “God, is this really what you want?” “Why did you bring me this far and promise me relationships here to just send me home?”
I felt there was more. I had no peace at all about going home just yet. So I did all I knew I could, I talked to leadership about what it would look like for me to stay in Costa Rica by myself. I was given permission, however I had an hour to say yes or no. Terrified because I hadn’t made a choice that big for myself in over a year, I turned my data on and called my parents. I asked each of them for their opinions and took them into account while deciding. I called a friend and asked what they thought and lastly I went into Lexi’s room and (kinda) woke her up. We went outside and I explained what was going on. With the biggest smile and the kindest heart Lexi spoke truth to me. She asked me the hard questions. She encouraged me. Then she was silent after essentially saying it was my choice but would I follow God’s call? With tears in my eyes and fear in my heart I said yes. I said yes because I sensed God calling me to say one last yes to him to end this season.
The next few days consisted of figuring out where to stay and how to best make this work. It was a lot of me being more vulnerable with my squad than ever before. To sit and cry in front of them all and at the same time share where God was leading me right then and what obedience looks like. To be comfortable in the uncomfortable. I had the words “faithfulness, boldness, & obedience” spoken over me that week.
I only got to stay in Costa Rica a few days longer before airports & borders began closing and I needed to fly back to the U.S. In those few days I made a few local friends and I got to know the people at the hope project ministry located in downtown San Jose. I realized my passion and love for Costa Rica. A country I can truly call home. My last night in Costa Rica we did a bible study over psalm 27. The last bible study I did before leaving home for the race was over psalm 27. As you can imagine at that moment I was filled with so much peace. I knew I could leave.
I learned that sometimes the hardest part is our ‘yes’. It’s hard to give up what is already in front of us, but when we do it’s well worth it.
I returned home March 21st.
I guess it took me this long to fully process the journey that I will never forget and continue to learn from.
