Many of you have been asking how I’m doing. The answer is, coming back to the States hasn’t felt any different from arriving in a new country. We’re still not sure which stores are going to have the food we need, we don’t have jobs, we have to live on minimal $$/day, we can’t meet publicly for church, we can’t go out in large groups, we have to be careful who we talk to and how, and there’s STILL. NO. TOILET PAPER.
So from an Alumni Racer to those deep in the throes of “Month One”, let me extend some hard-earned tips from my experience traveling the world this past year:
Let’s start with the all important question:
What if we run out of toilet paper?
A surprising number of things can be used as toilet paper substitutes. I went into the Race well prepared thanks to Julie Pyle, who advised me to always carry around a packet of tissues and some hand sanitizer, just in case. We found ourselves without toilet paper and appropriate methods of washing hands too many times to count.
Here are some things you can use as toilet paper substitutes:
– Tissues (just as soft!)
– Paper towels
– A damp rag
– A damp strip from an old t-shirt/sock (if you don’t have a damp rag)
– A bidet
– A shower (if you don’t have the bidet)
– Just don’t wipe (do not recommend)
– Your hand (strongly do not recommend)
Here are some things you can use as hand-washing substitutes:
– NOTHING. WASH YOUR HANDS, YOU FILTHY ANIMALS.
If, however, you happen to be on a train across mainland Asia and the only available toilet is a metal squatty potty, you can also use the following:
– Hand Sanitizer (you can make your own using aloevera and vodka: here’s how)
– Thieves Oil (natural hand sanitizer!)
– Baking Soda (make sure to dilute it so it doesn’t scratch, and wash your hands in vinegar or lemon juice after so you can return your skin to normal pH).
– Your grandmother. If you’re a millennial or older, chances are your grandparents (or parents, depending) lived through the depression, where they had to make their own soap. You may have to dig to find the recipe, but seriously, what else are you going to do while you’re stuck inside?
But what if there’s not enough ________?
If there’s not enough, you will survive. I promise. I lived it for 8 months.
Will it be comfortable? No, not necessarily. But you’d be surprised what household items can be used as substitutes. (Check out my blog: Wingin’ it On the World Race for examples.) It can actually be pretty fun to figure out a workable solution instead of just running out to the store to grab XYZ.
Here are some tips for living on a tight-budget/limited supplies:
– Don’t stockpile. Buy new things only when you are close to running out. This is counterintuitive, but it actually helps the community. Not only do you conserve money for what you actually need, but it also keeps supplies available for the rest of the community that are actually running out.
– Do the math. Have you ever counted the number of rolls of toilet paper in your house? You might be surprised at how much you have. It certainly helped our anxiety go down. (If you have less than 5 rolls, message me and I will do my best to bring you some.)
– Use what you have. That Costco jar of beans in the back of the cabinet? The canned corn you bought two years ago and haven’t yet cooked? Bags of rice? Stockpiled spices? Try a new recipe, or just throw it all together! If it comes out good, send it over to @trashphandachef on Instagram: this is a friend’s cooking account that features quarantine-inspired meals!
– Donate & Share! Yes, I’m serious! Before coming home we all saw the videos of empty shelves and abandoned grocery stores, but when I got here the shelves were full. We have so much in America—so much that we’ve lost sight of just how much we have. I would even venture a suggestion: that crippling, rising-in-your-throat terror at the thought of not having enough is actually a lie from the pit of hell. So just for fun, let’s do the opposite of what everyone around us is doing and give something away every day—especially the things you feel like you can’t live without.
I’m stuck living in close quarters with
people I don’t like/don’t get along with.
Welcome to the Race… uh, I mean, everything was fine! We always got along!
Racers have a bit of an advantage here because we didn’t actually know each other beforehand. Most of you know the people you’re quarantined with, probably too well. And if you don’t, well… you’re about to.
Here are some tips for getting along with those you suddenly can’t escape:
– Communicate: (Most) people understand that others need alone time. If you need them to stop knocking on your door every five seconds, just tell them. You are going to have to learn how to communicate your needs, and your family/friends will have to learn how to respect those needs.
On the flip side, if someone comes to you and tells you they need space, don’t take it personally. They’re (probably) not mad at you, and just need time to recharge. And if they are mad at you, trust me, you don’t want to engage in that moment. You want them to calm down; they want to calm down; we all want to calm down.
– Find ways to “get alone” in a crowded room: Put your headphones in. Even if they’re not playing anything, this often is a signal for others that you don’t want to talk. Alternatively, put some music on, or invest in a white noise app. You may not be able to get the complete silence you’re used to, but this will help.
– Get outside: Sometimes even just moving outside the house (I hung up a hammock in my front yard) can give you some much-needed space from others. Volunteer to do a grocery run. Ding-dong ditch your neighbors and leave behind some extra supplies. Take a walk/run/bike.
– Spend time with God every day and be honest about what you’re feeling: This will keep you from unloading on others and transferring your anxiety, depression, worry, complaining, fear, uncertainty, etc. to people that are never going to be strong enough to carry it.
– When you get in a fight, it’s okay to separate and come back later: If you sense that you’re going around in circles, it’s okay to stop talking. However, always plan to revisit the conversation later. If you are dealing with people who have trouble with those boundaries, setting a time (even if it’s ‘hey, can we come back to this in a few days?’) to revisit things will help them settle enough to actually leave you alone to process.
In the interim, take what they said to God. Try to take at least 24 hours before responding to accusations or charges laid at you. 9 times out of 10, even things said in the heat of anger carry truth. Own your part and apologize.
– Spend time together, doing things that aren’t serious: We called this “Team Time”, (which, depending on your personality, was a sore spot, but the concept is important). We need to work through issues with the people we’re living with, but we also need to laugh together and to have fun together. If you don’t do this, you’ll end up seeing the people around you through eyes of bitterness and anger, which is the fastest way to completely ruin your quarantine.
But maybe you don’t have anything in common. So what? Try something new. Play a card game, even if you hate them. Watch a movie with another person, even if it’s not your style. You might not discover a new passion, but I can guarantee you’ll improve your relationships with your fellow quarantin-ies.
– Identify comfort versus need: You might be more comfortable blasting your music through a speaker, but do you need to do it? You might be more comfortable working at the kitchen table instead of at the desk in your room, but do you need to do it? Close quarters require a higher level of respect for others.
– Have grace. Reading this, you might be thinking, “That’s never going to work”. We thought so, too, and to be honest, it didn’t for some. Those were hard teams, and hard conversations. So while you’re having grace for everyone else, remember it’s okay to have grace for yourself, too. This is a hard situation you’ve been thrown into. Some people will not handle it well, and it will spill over onto you. It’s okay to get mad about that, and to vent that anger. (But not at each other! Go to God with that stuff; he’s big enough to handle it).
It doesn’t feel like real church!
Welcome to the world of the persecuted church, where people meet in houses, the worship leader is whoever has the most musical knowledge or owns the musical instrument (even if they can’t play), and the pastor is the person who’s been a believer the longest.
By contrast, we’re sitting in the comfort of our homes, completely unconcerned about who might be checking our browsing history. We don’t have to download a VPN to stream a podcast from our home church. We don’t have to rotate homes every week to avoid detection. We don’t print “please do not videotape/photograph” in our bulletin because we’re assuming someone in the congregation is there to spy on us. We don’t have to turn off our phones and put them in another room before talking about our jobs. The government isn’t scanning the airwaves looking for Christians to arrest.
If you’re able to have church with other people in your house, take a moment and reflect on how blessed we are.
In many places that I visited, the coronavirus has kept our brothers and sisters from seeing the only other people in the city, maybe even country who share their faith. And unlike here, it’s not safe for them to communicate virtually.
No, it’s not like church normally. And it’s okay to mourn that. I definitely did, this week.
But just remember: out there, they would be excited about our “abnormal”.
I’m lonely/People never reach out.
No, they don’t. Especially when you have a text update list or post on social media. They have the impression that you’re in communication, because they hear from you and know all about your life, but they never communicate back to you, so the relationship feels very one-sided. It’s easy to feel like you’re completely forgotten.
Most missionaries feel this constantly. People rarely communicate from home, and when they do, it’s usually to get a status update on the work, rather than care for the person.
Take a minute and reread that first paragraph again. To me, it sounds like a bad social media post. You know, those not-so-subtle passive-aggressive ones where you read the post, then suck in a breath or whistle.
The above sentences are true. This past year, I wrestled with feeling like I was in 50 one-sided relationships. People rarely reached out. I had no idea if they liked my posts, much less read them. But I’m not actually angry, bitter, or even slightly upset, because one of the things I learned last year is what it means to “take it to God”.
In this case, I took all my frustration and hurt and anger with “all these people that I thought cared about me” to God. And he reminded me of the Garden of Gethsemane, when Jesus came back and found his friends sleeping. Though Jesus understood they weren’t able to be there for him (just as my friends/family weren’t able to be there for me in the way I wanted for a variety of different reasons, including that I didn’t tell them what I needed), Jesus also keenly felt the pain of that moment. Which means he was, and is, able to comfort me, then counsel me into forgiveness.
So coming from someone who’s been there, may I suggest something? Posting on social media, rather than getting people to reach out, actually has the opposite effect. It happens for the same reason that, during CPR training, they tell you to assign a specific person the job of calling 911 and getting a defibrillator. If you say, “somebody call 911”, no one will actually do it because everyone assumes someone else already is.
Seems insane, but it’s true.
So here’s a thought: what if we—crazy, I know!—went back to communicating directly with individuals? If you’re missing someone, reach out and ask how they’re doing. If you’re lonely, tell someone in a private message, instead of a global post.
I used to hate it when people told me that the best cure for not having friends who reach out was to become the one who does the reaching out.
Unfortunately, they were right.
Ugh.
Quarantine Challenge:
Something we talk about on the Race a lot is “pressing in”. We talk about it so much, in fact, that we’re all sick of it. But, just like Team Time, the idea is important.
Pressing-in is the idea of running toward the problem. Stepping into challenge.
Essentially, asking for trouble.
Yes, it’s completely counter-intuitive. But if you’ve spent any time around the ocean, you know that the safest thing to do when a big wave comes is to swim toward it. Why? Because the longer the wave tumbles, the more turbulence it causes. Better to get over it early.
So let’s swim toward the wave, fellow Racers!
Pick one (or more) of these ideas to challenge yourself!
– Every day, write down at least one good thing that is happening because of the quarantine.
– Every day, text a friend something encouraging.
– If you’re having a hard time, text someone individually and ask for either a phone call or prayer.
– Every day, pray for one of the countries most strongly affected by COVID 19. Or pray for one of the countries on my Race. Or pray for the persecuted church.
– Learn a new card game & teach it to your family. (If you need suggestions, message me. I have some cool ones I learned overseas!)
– Order a board game online (might I suggest Pandemic?) and play it with your quarantine-mates
– Have that hard conversation you’ve been putting off.
– Take the “What I have” challenge, and try to cook meals using only the food you have in your fridge. See how long you can go without visiting the store!
– Open your spice cabinet. Have your kids (or friend/spouse) pick five spices at random and try to use them all in a dish.
And here’re the clinchers:
– Do a “toilet paper fast”. See if you can live for a week (or maybe just a day if you want) without using toilet paper. Prove to yourself the world won’t end if you run out.
And once you’ve done that (or before, possibly):
– Count up all the toilet paper rolls/paper towels in your house. Keep 20 toilet paper and 10 paper towels, and give the rest away.
Happy Challenging! Let me know how it goes ;).
