Journal Entry
October 6, 2019
Wow God, You have really blessed me with great friends. I have this thought that passes through my mind… it doesn’t stick but it is super annoying.
The thought: God has something great for everyone on the squad but me.
I can confidently say that I KNOW that it’s a lie. In fact, it makes me laugh when I say/ write it…. But it doesn’t seem to go away. Thank you for letting me be part of this squads life even if it was only for a few months or the full 11 months. Thank you for changing us. Thank you for letting me see what others are stepping into.
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This week hasn’t been the easiest. I feel like this week alone has been one of the more challenging weeks of the race. It has been a battle to stay present and not think of life after the race. Every time I pray into my future or next steps God just keeps saying, “Seek me daily.” Which is great but not really a direction. Not going to lie, there have been moments when I really want an answer and a clear “do this” direction. One day this week during my quiet time I was slapped with a verse.
“The seed sown among weeds represents the person who receives the message, but all of life’s busy distractions, his divided heart, and his ambition for wealth result in suffocating the kingdom message and prevent him from bearing spiritual fruit.” Matthew 13:22 (TPT)
“His divided heart,” that was it, that stung. Was my heart divided? Was my heart fully trusting in Him? I so badly wanted to say that it wasn’t divided and I was fully trusting but, I couldn’t. What bothered me even more was that my divided heart was suffocating the kingdom message. YIKES! That is something else that has been constantly on my mind, the kingdom. Some of the things we learned during training camp and even the first few months on this race have been coming back to the forefront of my thoughts. (Which we should be chasing after even more now that we have done so much of the race. We have learned so much since the beginning, we need to keep bringing the fire.) “It’s all about the kingdom. The Kingdom is God’s way only.” Ultimately God is love and He longs for ALL to know His love. The quickest way to stop a divided heart is to give it ALL back to Him. We know from Ecclesiastes there is a time for everything under the heavens. But here it is:
“He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the human heart; yet no one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end.” Ecclesiastes 3:11
His timing is EVERYTHING! It is also so crucial to know the TRUTH of what God is speaking to you. Otherwise, those annoying thoughts that just pass through will take root and divide your heart. If you are struggling with your thought life, find someone to talk to. When I first had that thought about my future I embarrassingly told one of my teammates. Their response was, “Sam, that’s a lie. You know that’s a lie. You need to tell me that it is a lie.” Take your thoughts captive and if you are struggling to do that on your own find someone to tell. Your life and your calling are too important for you to be stuck with a lie. You are needed in the Kingdom to bring the King’s message of love. His love is an everyday, every moment kind of love.
YOU ARE LOVED TO LOVE OTHERS.
