A wandering heart is a fault in timber, where the heart of the tree wanders from side to side, rather than remaining central. I feel that this is an accurate definition of what is happening in my heart right now. I have had the opportunity to grow close with all 17 members of my team. Each one of them unique and called and beautiful and made for such a time as this. Each one of them with a heart of gold and so much love. Now the time has come when we separate into our smaller teams. And my heart is undone. I keep trying to be tough and suck it up and act like everything is great but the more I do that the more I feel myself wandering from side to side. The more I feel the twisting.
Anyone who knows me knows that I love a good party and I am all about having fun. While in one hand I hold the excitement of a smaller more intimate team and the exciting adventure that is about to inspire. But in the other hand I have to let go of the remaining 13 members of the squad with their dreams and callings. One of the biggest things to know about unscripted is that everything thing is held with an open hand. I feel as though I might explode with excitement and anticipation of what God is going to do throughout the teams. And part of me wishes I could be on every team…
Psalm 55:22 “ Cast your cares on the Lord and will SUSTAIN you; he will NEVER let the righteous be shaken.”
Team DEEP consist of Hannah, Lindsay, Ronny, Hunter, and myself. When we were trying to figure out the team name we were trying to see if the other teams were going to be serious or keep it light hearted. Hannah said she wanted to have a deep meaning. And I sarcastically said, what if we were team deep. Everyone laughed and all at once we looked at each other and we knew that was our team name. God begin to speak to each one of us in different areas he wanted to take us deep and what the heart of our team would be. I was drawn to the story in Luke 5 when Jesus calls His first disciples. Verse 4… put out into deep water, and let down the nets or a catch. I feel the verse 5 really captures our hearts, “Simon answered, “Master we’ve worked hard all night and haven’t caught anything. BUT because you say so, I will let down the nets.” The story continues to with them catching so many fish they began to sink and their friends boats also began to sink because of the weight of their catch. After all that work they left EVERYTHING and followed Him. It didn’t say they made sure the fish were put on ice.. in the end it didn’t matter. The only thing that matter was what Jesus said and the longing to follow him. That is where I want to find myself everyday for the REST of my life. In a place where nothing else matters, only Jesus.
Knowing that God has created the teams and put us where we need to be brings peace. Learning to find peace in the stretching is a whole new experience. The best way to describe my stretching feeling is salt water taffy… just call me Laffy Taffy Sam. If I wasn’t being stretched then am I really listening to God.
