I’ve been praying about rather or not I was going to post about this or just do it quietly, but then I remembered stories breed testimonies. With that being said; plot twist, I sent my phone home at mid-point debrief (half way mark of the race). The simple answer for why I sent my phone home is the Lord asked me to. Now for the more complicated answer:
Jesus has been teaching me a lot about faith and trust. He has been showing me that it’s okay to have doubts about things, at the end of the day we are just human. He has been releasing me of the fake expectations that my faith has to be strong and perfect all the time. It’s okay to have doubts, but it’s the actions that follow that are most important. The biblical definition of faith is belief and trust in God; knowing that God is real, even when one can’t see him.
When I first started feeling like I should send my phone home, my mind went into automatic defense mode. There was no way I was going to go four and a half months away from home with out a easy(ish) way of communication. Then I was asked why. Jesus asked me to step back, put my pride aside and really admit what I have a hard time having faith with. So let’s get real. I have a hard time trusting that whatever relationships i’m suppose to have at home will still be there if I don’t make an extensive effort to keep up with them. I’m still $2,800 away from being fully funded, I have a hard time wrapping my mind around the fact the Lord can provide this money without being able to fund raise as much. While being here, I have had quite a few people from home find their own faith through my stories. I have a hard time trusting that Jesus will find his own way to make them want to continue pursuing him.
Then I remembered that Jesus quite literally beat death, healed people in the blink of an eye and created the ground I stand on. I have faith in our Father. I have faith that he has everything under control and that he hears my prayers. I have doubts, yes. But I also have faith. Jesus then showed me a beautiful way to take a step into the unknown and just fully lean on him. Next thing I know, my phone is on the way back to the states. I firmly believe he asked me to do this to learn a whole new level of faith and trust. I also firmly believe he asks people to step out in uncomfort to find comfort in him.
To some people this won’t make sense and that’s because in simple terms, our God doesn’t make sense. He is so much bigger than our understanding. We are human and It’s okay to have doubts. I challenge you to think about things you doubt the Lord can do. I then challenge you to pray for ways you can step out in faith anyway. I can boldly say, Jesus won’t let you down. He doesn’t make promises he doesn’t keep.
Fundraising update- I am only $2,350 away from being fully funded!!! PRAISE THE LORD!!! Thank you for everyone’s prayers, keep them coming!!! The deadline is February 1st, so it is coming up fast!
Travel Update- I am living in a small village with just my team in Chiang Dao, Thailand!!! We are living in a host home with a beautiful family. All of us are falling in love with this place very quickly. We are teaching English at a Buddhist school that has never been reached by missionaries before. So in short terms, we are living the missionary dream. I’ll write a blog on our ministry soon!!
Side note- I still have my laptop so email or over my blog is the best way to reach me!!
With love, Samantha
