As some of you know, I just got back from training camp in Gainesville, Georgia. It was truly one of the hardest and impactful weeks of my life. My relationship with others and God was challenged and has grown considerably. I have so much to share from training camp and needed help with knowing how to share it and what to share first. Before writing this post, I took the time to ask God for help. I asked Him what He wants me to share first about what I learned from training camp. He made the answer crystal clear, He wants me to share one of my largest struggles I had walking into training camp.
Training camp was completely different than anything I had ever experienced. I have been to Christian retreats before, but never to one where God was so prevalent in every single person there. Every person who was at training camp was there to give their life to God fully. Nobody held back their fears or anxieties. The community of people were so loving and filled with God’s compassion and fire. Seeing all of this left me with a question… why does God deserve all of this devotion? This question haunted me for the beginning of training camp; why was I thinking this? I mean, HE’S GOD! Of course He is worthy of all the worship and praise. But my doubts still lingered. I became ashamed of this question. I’m a Christian and about to spend the next nine months preaching the Gospel and I was questioning His worthiness.
One night, I was at worship, on my knees, asking the Lord to show me His worthiness. I felt so prideful asking God this, but I wanted to know Him better and understand. As I was praying, the worship leader began to talk and sing about God’s everlasting love and I burst into tears. I felt God’s love surounding me in this moment where I doubted His worthiness. I didn’t understand how He could love someone like me– who has abundance of flaws– so much. I had never felt so much love around me. He answered my question in that moment. He is worthy of all the praise because of His crazy, amazing, and indescribable love that He gives to the most broken people. He doesn’t hold grudges, He isn’t prideful or quick to anger, He loves with a love that will fill you up so much that all you want to do is share that love with everyone around you.
If you take anything from this blog post, please take this: God doesn’t judge you for your questions, He welcomes your questions and answers them in His own time.
