At the point of no return.
I am but a vapor. A mere consumer of space and substances, just living.
But I’m not here to simply live. I am called to thrive.
Hello, Jesus. Hello, thriving.
I’ve been going through a process in my life that most charismatic Christians like to call, “dying to one’s self”.
I call it surrender.
Do you ever have moments where you actually recognize where you went wrong and it stirs something inside of you to fix it? Or… do people ever point out your junk (whether or not it’s in a kind way) and your desire quickly turns to making it right and being better for next time? I’m not talking about speaking negatively about yourself or even apologizing for your wrongs and moving on. There is value in a sincere apology but that’s not surrendering. I’m talking about owning it all. All the good, the bad, the highs, lows, the mistake, failures, and screw ups, the successes, applauses’ and the affirmations.
Own them.
Claim them.
Then let it all go.
There has been such an awakening in me about what a pure surrendered heart looks like. I am getting excited when I, Holy Spirit, or even someone else confronts my own crap.
The other day I was just being ugly. I began listening to lies about who I am, adding to the work gossip, and the list could go and on but hey, that’s not what matters. I felt such a darkness as I sat in my car relieved to be leaving my job and finally ending the day. I was feeling a weight I did not like and didn’t feel like myself. I started talking to the Father on my drive home and breaking down because He showed me where I went wrong and why I was feeling this way. But this is the best part. He told me how to be better, and promised to hold my hand and love me along the way.
All throughout that week Papa God and I were chasing after surrender. Hand in hand, we would figure out why I let a lie slip in, how I let that negative thought consume too many seconds of my day, and also how I can love better. I was getting excited to own all the STUFF and then LET. IT. GO.
The moment I surrendered one thing He would grip my heart for something He wanted. I’m becoming obsessive over this feeling. This feeling that follows a pure surrendered heart. The feeling of freedom. It’s so freeing to know that we have a loving Father. A God in heaven who doesn’t just point our or mess and leave it at that. He teaches us and holds our hand through our mess. I’m accepting my shortcomings, flaws, and imperfections and trading them in for who He says I am, how He wants to me to live, and grace. A whole lot of grace.
Now hear me loud and clear. Surrendering or, “letting go and letting God”, is not easy. It doesn’t look like taking the brunt of things and letting people walk all over you because you “know you can let it go”. It doesn’t look like being super happy only for a moment because you “know you can let it go”. It’s understanding that we have no control. That His way is and will always be far greater than our own.
To my readers… whatever higher power you serve, whether it be the universe or the Creator himself, be still and let ‘it’ do it’s thing. The outcomes are significantly better than you could ever imagine. Acknowledge that fear isn’t real. It’s a mind provoking liar. Surrender your fears for peace. Understand that the choices we make will always have an outcome. Good or bad, be assured you did your best. Don’t beat yourself up over poor choices or past mistakes. There’s grace, hope and love. Our destinies have already been predetermined. Trade all uncertainty in for adventure.
In this moment I am preparing my spirit for whatever happens on the World Race and I say boldly, “come what may”!
Father I thank you that You show me boundless grace. I thank you that you love me fiercely and without conditions. I thank you for Your kindness and patience. I thank you that You’re willing to teach me. I am so thankful You hold my hand as I learn to look more like You. Papa, I surrender my theories and ideas of what could be for a simplified state of understanding. Understanding that You are the beginning and the end. So really, I should just shut up, listen, and obey. I give You my plans because I know that no matter how mystical they may see in my mind Your plans for me are beyond my comprehension. I hand over my thoughts and trade them in for peace. You are my Prince of Peace and when I feel Your peace I feel safe and at home. I surrender every ounce of fear to You. Fear has no place in my life because when I am with You there is fullness of JOY. Joy… even my joy I give back to You, God. You deserve every aspect of my life. I surrender my happiness, love and life to You, Jesus. You are worthy of it all. Fill me up with more of You! I am here. I am willing. I am ready. I am hungry for more. I give You everything because without You I am nothing.
~written in love by your local gypsy.
