Dallas is home. The streets, the stores, the people. There is a deep comfort in knowing an atmosphere like the back of my hand, surrounded by those who make me laugh, and those I am deeply known and loved by. There is comfort in routine, in the mornings I sit in the backyard I grew up in and wake up to coffee I brew every morning. I’m sure you’ve heard it, “home is where the heart is”, yeah yeah. But yeah. I’ve given God my heart, and He calling me to my new home in Swaziland in a matter of days. As I try this trust in God’s plan for me to put my life in a hiking pack and move to 3 different countries, I realize home isn’t about comfort, familiarity, and what is known. I now find comfort in understanding that He calls me to be uncomfortable so that I can lean on Him and grow, He is consistently faithful, and He knows what is unknown to me.
So, I look ahead with peace that heightens my excitement, and I am ready for this thing!!! I also look at what I’m leaving behind, and realize I’m not ready to say goodbye. However, it was brought to my attention that if i were ready for this journey on my own terms, I’d never be ready. I could always use another month of this or amount of that, and I could never give enough goodbye hugs, so I have to trust in His timing. Missing friends, family, and holidays is going to be hard, but the things I didn’t consider missing are starting to sink in. The little freedoms of long hot showers, wearing shorts, or alone time. It may sound extreme to say that going without these little things and many more are sacrifices, but they are sacrifices, as I am denying what I am comfortable with in the ways of my own little world to embrace greater things that the Lord has in places to do through me and for me. The feelings all comes in waves.
Now for those feelings, mine do not tend to take my mind captive, but they tend to interfere. As I mentioned in my previous blog, during worship at training camp I allowed my lack of feeling His presence to shake my faith. I cried out, and God showed up and let me know He was there regardless of what I felt, and I learned from that that my faith is bigger than my feelings. At launch (time for preparation before parting Georgia) we had worship, and I was praising Him for being so, so good to me and getting me to where I was, finally at launch, with most of my funds in place, and my faith stronger than before. I wandered off in thought though, thinking about where I will be in my relationship with Him throughout and after these 9 months. It is expected and said that “this is a once in a lifetime journey” and I “will be so changed and grow so much”, all the good things. But how? Not just by going. I felt in that moment that it all became real as it the journey had actually begun, and that I couldn’t just expect this growth to happen, but that I will get out what I put in. So, I said a simple prayer, that God lay on my heart how I should press into Him and tell me what that looks like, because it had to be more than what I was doing to get to where I want to be with Him. I continued to praise, and then the director went on stage and said “Leaders, I feel that we should pray over the racers. Pray, and anything that is laid on your hearts go pray over them.” Cool. I don’t expect prayer or anything, I was feeling content in my faith, knowing He heard me even if I didn’t receive an immediate word from Him regarding my prayer. Praise continues. My squad mentor comes up and says “Hey real quick,” and not expecting word, I thought she was going to talk to me about my card mailed in, but she continues, “God placed it on me to tell you that this is not too good to be true, just keep seeking his love passionately. This is just the beginning”. Okay, WOW, prayer answered. I felt such gratitude and joy that He cared in that instant to remind and encourage me that the relationship I desire with Him and that growth that I expect, but question on how to begin, is not too good to be true. It is in my reach if all I do is simply continue seeking Him because this is just the beginning.
I already felt good, and now I feel even better. Posting from the air port in Doho, Qatar, after our flight from Washington D.C. last night, where we took our last steps in America for a while. Now, we are about to leave on our flight to South Africa! From there we will bus to Swaziland!!!!!
