India… the land of curry, colors, chai, and definitely change. Change in my heart, change in my perspective, and change when it comes to the amount of white rice I can eat in one sitting. This month has been one of the hardest, but most giving. South America was challenging because I missed home, but India was challenging because I started to miss the home I made in Hyderabad. I went into India eating with cutlery, putting a small amount of curry on my rice (I was afraid of what the heat might do) and constantly changing into different outfits because of the amount of sweat..
Two weeks later, we switched locations into a small rural village, 4 of us on 2 twin-sized beds with actual bucket showers. I have worn the same Kurta and leggings for the entire week unwashed because I didn’t feel like ruining my other clothes with sweat. My hair has become best friends with the ponytail holder, I cut out chai because the addiction became too real, and I bought baby wipes because I was only eating with the fingers on my right hand (don’t use the left hand, it’s unclean).
I saw many bugs and ants that I swept off me when before I would scream until my dad got the buggies for me. I have gotten into Tuk Tuk’s with strangers who speak Hindi and hoped they would take me to the right place, and I had ditched most of my comfort zones, but still made time for Sex and the City reruns. It was a hard month; it was the month I texted my mom saying I couldn’t do it anymore. And I was thankful my mom said “it’s just a hard week, you’ll be fine.”
It’s just a hard week…. I’ve had many hard weeks in my life, but haven’t we all? I wonder how many times I have said “I can’t do this anymore God” and he’s responded with “this is just a hard season.” Well, he hasn’t actually spoken that to me, but you get the gist. Through the guy I said goodbye to while applying for the World Race, through not winning Miss Arizona during the three years of competing and working my booty off, through graduating college a semester early in hopes I didn’t accidentally miss taking a class, through learning self control and understanding it’s okay to say no regardless of the fomo, I have been through many, many hard “weeks” or “seasons.” So I’m going to look at my last week in India as just another hard “week” but not THE end all be all “hard week.” This is a level 4 and I’m making it a level 10 if that makes any sense.
India has so much to offer, but I won’t see it until I forcibly open my eyes and get over myself. I don’t mean to be harsh, but I’m starting to realize that in the situation I am in, I have to be my own accountability buddy. I have my squad mates and my teammates, but they are also going through their own hard weeks and good weeks. I need to start relying more on God and myself and start taking some of the pressure off the people around who I love.
I wish I could go into more depth about India, but due to security reasons, I have to keep this short and sweet. I stepped out of my comfort zone. I spent a whole day magic-erasing mold off the inside of a cabinet and I didn’t stop scrubbing until it was picture perfect. I wiped off dust and rat poop from windows and got down on my knees to get the dirt out from under the cabinets in the kitchen. I slept in a constant state of sweat, I started eating rice, yogurt, oats, or eggs for every meal (my favorite four + iced coffee now), I learned how to become pals with kids with different disabilities while having no knowledge of what the disabilities really were. I realized they had more abilities instead of disabilities (some of the smartest and sassiest kids I know), I made paint out of flour and FINALLY got to paint a wall, and I learned what my good colors were while saree shopping.
All this amazing stuff happened, so I’m not going to let one “bad week” take away the fact that God is a glorious God. Thank you India for showing me something i haven’t seen before and for opening a closed heart.
