I wish there was one sentence that could fully describe training camp and its entirety but there isn’t. And I’m okay with that. Why? There are some things at training camp that were just meant from me like little signs from God. I don’t need to type out every moment of training camp or post every picture. I remember what happened and the way I changed, that is all that truly matters.
The night before my flight was rough. I had a panic attack because I felt so out of control. I have been struggling with anxiety and having severe panic attacks for the past couple of years and have received help. My counselor always told me it is due to my lack of feeling in control. I really had to learn how sovereign the Lord was to get through this. I was worried I did not pack the right things, I was worried I wouldn’t make friends, or that I would fail at living this granola lifestyle.
Obviously learning how to pitch a tent, sleeping in a bag on the freezing ground, using bucket showers, and not doing my nightly skin routine was extremely difficult. Those little worries faded away on Day 3. I really had to take it day by day though because thinking about living that life away from my family for ten days was hard for me (lol since I am leaving for a whole year). I love the company I had and the relationships I made. I was worried they wouldn’t accept me for my full story, but they did. Some didn’t in the beginning, but they did.
There were nights I fell to my knees in tears and nights I comforted the person next to me while they cried. We all had our moments, yet we cared more for the person to our right. The biggest lesson I learned is that everyone has gone through the hardest things so it’s not about what you have been through but it’s about what you do with it. I conquered my biggest fear of the fitness hike, I stopped running away from every bee I saw, I picked up gross firewood, and I ate with my hands. I don’t consider myself completely high maintenance because I am down to try whatever you put in front of me but this was a big step.
Overall, I am no writer and I do not know if this blog post made any sense but I do know that I cannot describe how much training camp meant to me. I let go of everything that was hurting me and I finally found my route to happiness. That is what happens when you truly follow the Lord though.
Here is a video of my favorite parts of training camp! Keep up to date with my podcast on my website www.thenicolerowe.com
