I struggle to put into words what I’ve been feeling on the race. I’ve never been more maxed out with all the emotions, feelings, blessings, and questions about God before. A group of us went into town to get wifi to get work done for the ministry we were at in Nicaragua and when I finished I began to journal all I was feeling at that moment. They dont all make sense but this is a look into my heart and mind at that spot in Nicaragua.
I see life all around me. I feel it.
Thinking, moving, breathing, feeling all on its own. Roads that people walk intersecting, weaving, winding and passing one another. All on paths. Paths that could only cross for but a moment. A moment and never again. Some paths more than others, and some never. Walking alone for days, weeks, months, and years all alone at times, but still together. On these paths we talk to ourselves more than we do to others. Heads down, steady with a mission and a dream of our own. We listen to ourselves more than we should. We are our greatest encouragers and our greatest critics. What we create we love, and what we create we hate more than anyone else does. We suffer from the curse of the creator.
We dont fully trust, fully love, feel fully wanted. We remind ourselves how alone we are, others remind us how loved we are. Every emotion we feel being poured out by others is more precious than gold. In love, we feel accepted for all of who we are. In Joy and laughter we feel companionship. In grief we feel trusted to be steady for a shaky soul. In hate, we feel pain reminding us that the more you love, the more you could hurt. For that we should be thankful for the pain, knowing that its just the flip side of a coin. The dark side of the moon that is still shining , just not visible at the moment. People, are the most precious instruments used, in playing and drawing out our souls. The raw emotions of our very being. The energy that gets our thoughts moving. The fire than gets our engines going. The images of who we strive to be, and who we strive never to be. We search in this life for things that fade. We look for happiness on our own. We forget however that a captain cant sail a ship by himself. A chef, cook for hundreds of people in a short time. A doctor do his job without someone in need of him. Our purpose, our traits, and our essence is drawn out when we are with others. This is why no one can be an island to themselves. How dull would a brain be with only one thought. How sad a heart with only one beat. A lung with only one breath. How ineffective a body with only one part, and family with only one member. We were made to live, feel, share, think, love on, care for, accept, forgive, lift up, and value souls other than our own. We are a coin in a large treasure chest. We have value in our own abilities, but our value is increased by being surrounded by others. Our owner cherishes us, and when he looks at his children he see his sons image stamped on us. Dont live life accepting being alone; live walking with others.
Philippians 2:3 ” do nothing out of selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourself.
