I am in denial that we only have two weeks left as a team in Africa. Jesus is WRECKING my life on this trip; my prayer when I left was that God would totally flip my life inside out and upside down.
But in Africa, I have been walking through a scary season with the Lord. The past few months have been a season of trusting in the Lord and letting go of the sense of control that I relied on so much. But the reality of life is, I have no control because God is the one who gives and takes away. The seasons change but the God that I love never changes. I am walking through a season of letting go of my “control.”
But now, Jesus is telling me to wait, I am learning so much about patience and listening. On this trip, I have discovered new burdens and passions.
Prior to this trip, in missions class, I knew that burden+passion+action=missions. Since I was a little girl, I’ve been called to missions. I have always had a passion to reach people on far ends of the Earth who have never heard the Gospel or never felt the love of Jesus Christ in their lives.
God called me to go to Africa and I obeyed but I am always surprised because I was expecting to fall in love and I thought that God would affirm my desire to be a teacher in Africa. But, He never fails to surprise me!
On this trip to Africa, God has introduced new burdens to me. I have always had a heavy desire in my heart to give unborn babies a voice. I have always had a soft spot for newborns and premature babies or unborn babies. But, God has revealed so much more to me on this trip! He is revealing to me that my heart is also with teen moms or mothers who have lost their babies or can’t take care of them. He is revealing that I have a heart for adoption and for mothers who don’t feel like they are equipped enough to be a parent.
My heart has broken many times here in Africa as mothers tell me stories of how they lost their babies or teenage girls share struggles of how they don’t have a job and they can’t eat or feed their children because they don’t have the resources or the support that they so desperately lack. My heart breaks to hear women my age fighting with themselves and their families about the solution for their unwanted pregnancy. My heart breaks with every time I lay eyes on one of the many abortion signs plastered to every surface along the roads here in Johannesburg. My heart breaks to know that every life is not treated equally. These are things that have always broken my heart but my experiences related to my burden have never been so real and so alive.
God has changed my heart when I hear about these things. Now, instead of getting sad (I still do), I am getting angry, and more importantly: motivated. God is whispering to me, saying, “do something!” I have been praying for guidance, clarity, support, and resources on what God is calling me to do about all of these passions and burdens. Jesus is giving me new desires that match these burdens. He is giving me so many ideas about what it may look like as I come home to adjust to starting in a completely different direction as I come home than the direction that I had planned.
I don’t know where I will end up or what I will be doing next. But for now, I will just continue to pray and wait on the Lord until He reveals his plan to me in a clear way so that I can take action on what the Lord is calling me to do! I want my passion to be contagious. But for now, I will continue to remain in the Lord’s peaceful presence and listen to him quietly. I will continue to walk faithfully in this season of rest and I will lean into God and be patient in him.
Thank you for all of your prayers and support!
Please pray for me as I continue to walk with open arms listening to the Lord and his plan for my life. Pray that he would open doors for what comes next and how I can best serve him as I come back to the states in two short weeks. Pray that my heart will break for what breaks the Lord’s heart and that I can love my team well and not pull away from the beautiful family we’ve formed here in Africa.
Please pray for my team as our hearts are breaking while we think about leaving our home we’ve had for the last three months. Please pray as we prepare to step into our last week of ministry and at the same time, we are walking into our final moments together as a family. We have truly grown to love one another and Africa as well as the people who live here. Please pray that we will be present in God’s presence.
