It is a weird title for a single girl who is on a nine-month long missions trip to write a blog post about boys. I would like to clarify this isn’t me confessing I fell in love with a man or how I hate men. Neither of those are the point. The point is I have struggled with guys’ opinions and their validation for years. It has been something I have never wanted to bring light to in my own life, let alone my blog.
Ever since I can remember boys have been a big part in my life. I grew up with brothers and the boys in my neighborhood. It was so comfortable for me to gravitate towards guys because I was always around them so it was easy to become friends with them. As I got into high school and started to value people’s opinions more I started to really prioritize what the boys said. I wanted to be like one of the boys but also a girl all the boys wanted. I didn’t think it was a big deal to flirt with all the boys, to lead them on and want them to like me even if I didn’t want them. It became unhealthy, but I thought it was fine because I didn’t feel like I was hurting my heart. I was feeling validated, satisfied, and praised – all for the time I was doing it, other than that I felt empty.
Coming onto the World Race where the boys around me are brothers in Christ and I haven’t looked for them for validation has been a really good time for growth. My squad leader, Kyndal, told us her story and told us about how she struggled with saying no and wanting guys’ attention and that hit me hard. She mentioned how she has now felt freedom and looks to the Lord instead of other people. Looking at her and seeing the Lord so much in her heart has been such an inspiration. Being here for a month has been such a chance of focusing on who the Lord tells me I am. Instead of looking towards boys to tell me I am worth a compliment I can achieve it for free with the Lord. He has called me so much more and to know that I look at myself and know what I deserve now. I don’t need to look for my worth in others because I have found it through the Lord. Knowing and loving myself now will give me the chance to be in a relationship and not put my dependence on them. Thank you God for showing me I am such a confident and beautiful daughter in your eyes.
