“Be the seaweed when everyone else thinks you’re weird.” -Christian Park
This is something my good friend Christian told me as I was in the middle of an emotional breakdown over all things The World Race and leaving everything I know. As much as that little analogy about seaweed doesn’t seem to make sense, (haha you kind of needed to be there) it actually does. He was trying to tell me that it’s ok to do what I’m doing, even if it feels crazy and 100% out of my comfort zone. He was trying to tell me that it’s not about me or anyone else for that matter, it’s about Jesus and what He has called me to do. So this thing has to happen whether I’m scared to go or not.
Yesterday and last night was hard. I hung out with my family all day and answered their questions about The World Race and as I did that, the familiar feeling of panic began to set in. Later that night I met with some people at my friend Micah’s house. As I sat with my friends, I felt the weight of what I am about to do in just a few weeks.
My sweet friend Annabelle could tell something was off. I didn’t even have to tell her what was wrong, she just knew. She checked in, asked how I was doing, and repeated that question the whole night. She made herself available if I needed it. She looked at me with love and grace and she sat with me.
This reminds me of the way Jesus loves us. He sees our pain and desires to know the depths of our souls, even the sad and ugly parts. He sits with us patiently when we have no words, or when we’re sobbing so hard we can barely muster the courage to speak what we’re feeling. He’s always there, waiting for us to humbly bow before Him, surrendering the things we grip onto so tightly.
I spent the night crying and venting to Micah and Christian about the things I selfishly wish I could hold onto, but need to let go of. For me, that’s the hardest part about going on The World Race. Letting go is really hard and it hurts. I think the first step to letting go is admitting that it won’t be easy. So I’m getting there right?
The three of us talked about personal growth, and what it means to grow in a healthy way, rather than just being stagnant with our lives, or in Christian’s words, “boring”. In order to grow we have to do hard things. A life with Christ wasn’t meant to be easy.
Micah reminded me that I have been called to do this. He reminded me that I love people. He reminded me that I love serving others and watching them flourish. He reminded me that this is why I signed up for The Race. I want to love like Jesus loves.
I’ve had many nights like this in preparation for The World Race, but few have been with other people around to comfort and love me in the ways I need to be loved. There’s more where these three friends Annabelle, Micah, and Christian come from. I have my lifelong friends since kindergarten, everyone from Wednesday night youth group (VOX), my dance friends/turned besties, TEAM ABUNDANCE: Jessa, Abby, Kaitlyn, and Kayla, and the rest of Squad B (aka Best squad) to help guide me and point me to Abba who is always near, whispering gentle reminders of kindness and grace into my ear. I see Him and is faithfulness in each of my friends. The Lord places specific people into our lives for a reason. Our purpose as a community is to lift one another up when we are struggling whether the struggle rational or irrational.
This blog is close to home because this is something I have been dealing with since the day I applied and got accepted to The World Race. I felt it was important to share in the hopes that I could encourage someone else. If you are struggling, pray about it and sit with The Lord, and reach out to someone. I can assure you that there is someone who wants to listen to you and sit with you.
Much love,
-megs <3
