During our time in California, there has been a lot of open space for my team and I to individually reflect on our relationships with the Father. We discussed areas of growth in one another, areas we are being refined in, and things we have conquered through the blood of Jesus. The first night we arrived to California, I voiced to my team that I felt like the time in California would be just that. A time of intimacy with Abba. In the moment, and in the day to day, I didn’t realize the work that God was doing in me. It is in this time of reflection, as I sit on the Grand Canyon that I am seeing just what God did in me in those two weeks and what He is continuously doing in me.
I’m sitting on the Grand Canyon and if you haven’t been, you have to go. It is one of the most breath taking views I have ever witnessed. I am in complete awe of our Creator. As I am sitting here, I start having a conversation with a couple near us. We joked about fears of falling off of this huge rock, where they were from, and their reason for traveling. In that, I got to share why I was traveling around the States. It became clear in my Spirit that this couple didn’t believe in the One I know as my Maker. After talking to them, I looked back at the view and was overwhelmed with heartbreak. My heart was aching that people travel here all the time, see the same view I am witnessing, and don’t give glory to the One who created it. My heart was aching for people who are lost, who don’t know Jesus, who really do not have a relationship with Him. How can one look at the same sight and not see His name written all over it? Questions like this flood my mind. That’s when it hit me, what the Lord is walking me through. He has been showing me the heart of Jesus and the heartbreak He had to endure. He is teaching me how to truly just be in His presence, commune with Him, and experience life with Him: His thoughts, His feelings, His character. Although His thoughts will always be higher then mine, and His ways always higher then mine, He is aligning my heart directly in path with Him, and it is a beautiful place to be. For the first time, I am experiencing the heaviness of Jesus and what He did, just to know me. M E!!
It all started at awakening in Washington. The pastor of the church we were with walked us through activities that can be described as inner healing. He focuses on our identity in Christ and the root of lies we believe that need to be unrooted and replaced with truths from God. When being walked through one of these activities, I had a vision of a baby lamb, but had no idea what that entailed. When sharing this aloud with our group, someone said they thought it represented Jesus, He was our lamb. He was our sacrifice on the cross to die for all sins we would ever commit. He knew them and experienced them all in that moment. Because of Him, grace abounds to us who are so undeserving. This person felt like God wanted me to press more into Jesus dying for us and the communion He gave us all in that moment. Jesus came for reconciliation between us and the Father. He is the reason we can commune with God.
Without much thought, I carried on with my days. While in California, my team decided to do a sweet and intimate communion. We went to the prayer chapel that was on the camp ground we were staying at. When we arrived, I immediately noticed an object laying on the table. It was a crown of thorns. I was swept with heaviness and tears. God brought to memory a time when my team and I were in Idaho. Two sweet women we met invited us over and blessed us with such humility by washing our feet, giving us roses, prophesying over us, and crowning us. I remembered what the crown looked like: shiny, new, with jewels. It looked nothing like the crown I was now starring at in that prayer chapel: rugged, old, with thorns. How could He do it? Why would He do it? The One who is most worthy of it all, the ONE true King, wore this crown of thorns while I got to wear a shiny new one. Jesus was the most humble, and filled with so much love for us. He did not want to die, but He prayed “God, Your will be done” for us. For me. M E! and for you, friends. He whispered to me in this moment that He did it because I am worthy of His love. I want to share with you all, that you are also worthy of His love. You, even YOU, are the very reason He chose sacrifice.
The weight of this broke my heart and carried me into a deeper communion with Jesus. I was astounded by His love for me and that He just wants me to sit with Him, in His presence, communing.
After this, a friend we had met in California gave us letters that she spent time in prayer about before writing them. On each of them were a color that she had circled. My color was lamb skin, which again was just a reminder from Jesus of what He did. On top of that, I pray for a word for each month. God uses this word He gives me to teach me something new about Him and His love for me. My word for October was none other than commune. It tied everything full circle, and so beautifully.
I am amazed by Jesus’ love for me. I hope you are encouraged in this by His love for you. I would also encourage you to just sit in this for a bit, feel the weight of what He did for us. Not connected to shame and condemnation of the things we have done again, but His love and grace that abounds. That He did this first and foremost because He loves us, but also for reconciliation with the Father. To literally just commune with Him. Friends, He just wants your time. Get in His presence. He is waiting.
