Some ministries are more heavy than others. Sometimes we do ministry and become completely broken in the faces that we come into contact with. For me, this happened last week. In the midst of me being broken hearted, God overwhelmingly surrounded me with His love for me.
The ministry we did was in a karaoke bar. Sounds fun, right? A time to sing, dance, and enjoy life with friends. Wrong. What this looked like was us walking into a bar, picking a “woman of the night” (three hours worth of time with them) and going into a room to “sing karaoke”.
Back ground information: The morning of the day we were doing this ministry, God spoke to me blue shirt. Then before we went into the bar He spoke blue and white. I was very expectant that the whole team would decide on a girl wearing blue or white. I shared this with a few people on my team. When we got there, there were two girls in blue and one in white. Immediately one of the girls in blue and the girl in white were picked. Yay, I thought to myself. That only leaves one girl and she is the one we have to pick, right?!? Nope, my team was drawn to a completely different girl in red. I was disappointed, but trusted in what multiple people were drawn to instead of me. Back to the story…
I would have loved to know what was going through the girl’s head when she came to see that a group of women picked her and intended on doing exactly what you would think of when you hear karoeke: singing and dancing. I would imagine she was incredibly thankful to be able to spend her three hours that way rather than the alternative. While most of us were singing and dancing for those three hours (and actually having the times of our lives), the others were sharing the love of Jesus Christ to this girl. She had some emotions come from sharing that and thanked all of us at the end of our time there. My heart went from being full of joy while we were in the moment, to complete brokenness as soon as we stepped outside of that building. Things flooded my mind: I first thought of my little sister, because they are close to the same age. Why do women find their worth in this?? They are worth SO much more. If only they knew what Jesus had to offer… my mind went crazy. Then I was taken back into a time of when I was that girl. Not in the literal same way, but I once did TRY to find my worth and love in men. God just kept telling me how loved and worthy I am in that moment.
Four days after this, I woke up at 5 am. I was restless. I was questioning God about so many things and I just needed to hear from Him. I went to the rooftop, took my Bible and journal expectant to hear what He wanted to tell me. I was worried about my future and what He has planned for me. I look up and it was so cloudy. The clouds looked like puzzle pieces put together. I watched them all disperse and the sky became clear. The ironic part about this is that clouds usually move in the same direction. These clouds all moved into opposite directions forming a circle. I could feel God telling me to stop trying to put the pieces of my life together, that He was in control and would move everything for the plans He has for me to come together. I was thankful for the peace He continues to give me. Then I look down to read The Bible. I am wearing my world race sweatshirt that is none other than a blue and white shirt. WHAT?!? That is what God spoke to me just before going to do this ministry. Wow. It was me. I was the girl. I was the one that God picked, shared His love to, was broken over when I was making the decisions I was, and when I came to realize, He surrounded me with His love and reassured me of my worth. God took me through this ministry to literally show me how He saw me in that time of my life. He loves us and thinks we are so worthy no matter what we have done.
THANK YOU FATHER!
