As I prepare for my mission trip, The Lord has been continuously teaching me about His character and who He has created me to be as His child. In this season of my life, I am overwhelmed with emotions that range from being sad about leaving my family, to being ecstatic to leaving with my squad to go serve God. In the midst of feeling numerous emotions, joy has been a recurring theme in this season.
At training camp, for my birthday, every person on my squad prayed for a word to give to me over this next year of life as we go on the race. Side note to any of you reading this: best birthday gift ever! As I was reading through all of the words that they have prayed over me, I realized that joy was written on over 3/4 of the stack I received. I remember thinking to myself, “Yes, I know I have joy”, but I did not realize that this would be a recurring theme and that The Lord was going to teach me something through this.
Joy is something that comes so naturally to me. After meeting people for the first time, many of them will later tell me that their first impression of me was the joy I have or they noticed the fact that I am always smiling. This has always been such an encouragement to me, but if I am honest, it can be quite an escape for me. In my rebellious years, that I have spoken of in a previous blog, it was so easy for me to fake the “Christian lifestyle”. I was still going to church, praising God, and looking as though I was as joyous as ever. Inside, I was literally dying, but no one noticed because of this joy I so easily had.
As I was reminiscing on this time of my life, I started to get really annoyed with God about this. “Why would You gift me with something that can so easily be an out for me? I do not want to be able to fake something so easily.” Also annoyed that I didn’t get a response immediately, I turned on worship music in my car. This is the way I get connected with The Lord, fastest. When I praise Him, I feel His presence immediately and my soul is set on fire. As I began to worship, I realized how big I was smiling. Then The Lord said to me, “Kenz, do you feel this? This is the joy that I give to you. There is a difference. The joy you naturally have, you sometimes have to work for and it can be really exhausting, but the joy that I give to you is free. You do not have to work for it, so with the joy I give you, others will see me through You.” It all clicked at once. Of course, God! Of course the gift You give to me I do not have to work for, You have given it to me so that it can in return glorify You!!
Isn’t He such a good, good Father? Even when we are annoyed or frustrated by the things we think we struggle with, He will turn around and use it for the good of His kingdom. So to Him, I say thank you for this gift of joy that comes from You only and that You have blessed me with! Help me always use it so others will see You through me!
