“We tend to stay away from mourning and dancing. Too afraid to cry, and too shy to dance… we become narrow-minded complainers, avoiding pain and also true human joy… While we live in a world that is subject to the evil one, we belong to God. Let us mourn and let us dance.” -Henri Nouwen
This morning I got up an hour before the dawn to meet with my sweet friend for sunrise coffee. I’ve never had sunrise coffee, but it turns out you can have conversations at 6:00 am that are just as deep as ones at 6:00 pm. Somehow the subject of emotions came up. Neither one of us is particularly talented at expressing our full range. I would rather disconnect and float above all of my feelings then have to deal with them, and for her it is chaotic and disorganized to have to sort through her feelings. But this reminded me of my sister, Rachel. Some of you may know Rachel, and if you know her, she is not afraid to express her emotions. I’ve obviously known Rach my whole life, and her ability to go from the lowest low to the highest high in one day used to stress me out. But today I realized how special that is. To unashamedly express the depths of your heart is a beautiful thing. I can’t get there on my own, but Rachel can. And I realize that’s one of the big things I love about her. (No shame, I’m crying as I write this, cuz I love you Rach) Anyway this quote really struck me when I read it a couple weeks ago, and I was reminded of it today. I don’t want to be afraid to feel all of the feelings. I want to feel sad and cry when I’m disappointed and frustrated, I want to jump up and down and smile for no reason when I’m excited and hopeful and happy! These things all make me feel alive! They remind me that I am real, and human. They point me to Jesus. I don’t yet know how this new knowledge will affect me or change me, it may take years for it to fully sink in as a spiritual practice. For now, it is just a thought mulling around in my head, and one day I pray it will reach my heart.
Another thing this week that struck me was Zechariah’s song in Luke at John the Baptist’s birth. It goes like this:
Luke 1:77-79
“And you, my child, will be called a prophet of the Most High;
for you will go on before the Lord to prepare the way for him,
to give his people the knowledge of salvation
through the forgiveness of their sins,
because of the tender mercy of our God,
by which the rising sun will come to us from heaven
to shine on those living in darkness
and in the shadow of death,
to guide our feet into the path of peace.”
It occured to me as I read this section of the chapter how new and foreign the idea of salvation through the forgiveness of one’s sins is to these people. This is a new concept, and a new teaching, and John will be the first one to prophecy it. I can’t even imagine living in a world where I didn’t believe that my sins were forgiven, and I now had eternal life through Jesus. Jesus has shown us great mercy. To be born for one purpose alone, and to know it your whole life… I don’t think I could have born that weight. John the Baptist too, he must have known his fate. And yet today I live with such freedom! Easter has always been a hard holiday for me because it is hard to understand the great change that the world went through. Zechariah’s song put me right there, that moment of agony and hope. It’s eye opening for me. Very soon, I will have the opportunity to share this with God’s children all over the world. When I read this passage, I think God softened my heart for the people I will meet who might not have the same hope that I do.
So there’s my little spiritual update for y’all!! I have a few announcements that I’d like to share with you also! First of all, I’m having a garage sale!!! It’s going to be Saturday, April 6th in Richardson from 8:00am to 2:00 or 3:00pm! If you or someone you know is going through their house Konmari style, and would like to donate to my garage sale that would be so helpful! It could be clothes, books, furniture, anything really. I will seriously not turn anything away! If you don’t have anything to donate, that’s okay too, feel free to drop by and say hello or help out, or any other help you can think of. 🙂 Next announcement is that I have raised $1,250!!! This may not seem like a lot, but is more than I believed would be raised. Jesus has totally overwhelmed me. But I do have an upcoming financial deadline that I need to meet if I am still to go on the Race. I have to raise $5,000 by May 5th! I truly believe that God has called me to go to these 11 countries in August, and it would be so wonderful if y’all would consider supporting me! I have a lot of special gear and supplies that I need to purchase before I go on the Race, like a sleeping bag, tent, 65L backpack, and other essentials. If you’d like to support me by helping me pay for supplies that would also be a huge blessing. I’m starting an amazon wishlist, so just shoot me an email if you’re interested! My email is [email protected].
Thank you again everyone for taking the time to read my blogs and donating money, and just sending sweet messages of encouragement. They are not lost, they mean so much to me. I am sooooo excited to go on this journey with Jesus!!
~Marianna Harris
