I know some of you may be thinking, “mal, you really need to chill with these blog posts.”
And normally I would agree, but God has been revealing so much to me lately, and I have fallen in love with writing as a way to gather my thoughts and experiences so that I can share what God has shown me to other people.
I think writing is a form of creative worship, and that’s what I see this blog as a platform for. I really believe that God can use the blog of an average gal like me to reach and encourage others.
So, I would encourage you to get comfy, maybe grab a snack, because I’ve got a little storytime to share. After meeting with my friend Caroline a few weeks ago, she challenged me to start using my creative abilities as a form of worship and to start drawing to bring the things that God puts on my heart into a visual and savor the beauty around me.
This past week I had been struggling with feeling insanely overwhelmed as I felt like I was taking on burdens not meant for me, and I had been needing a space to breathe and just be still but it felt impossible. I felt like I couldn’t pray or spend time with the Lord because my mind and heart were so cluttered. On Saturday morning I had an idea to go to Brockdale Park, a loading area and dock on a lake near me for my quiet time. I knew God was calling me to this place as I had not been there in years so I set out to the depths of Lucas, Texas without using my crutch, Google maps, because I knew the Lord would guide me there even though I wasn’t really sure where I was going.
Sure enough, I ended up right on the shoreline of Lake Lavon, eager to hear from the Lord. I sat in my car and listened to the rain and the waves on the lake and I just drew. I sketched the shoreline and the shrubs, and the mist on top of the horizon, but I was beginning to feel frustrated as I had no idea what the Lord was trying to tell me. I had been so certain He had something to say through my sketches but nothing was making sense at the time. I decided to sit in stillness for some time and I put my sketchbook away and didn’t think about it for the rest of the day.
Later that night I opened my sketchbook back up, certain that my father had something to tell me. I looked at my sketch and thought of the open water I had spent my morning meditating over, and I reflected on all the times water is mentioned in the Bible and the rich symbolism that exists in nature. I felt the Lord telling me to go to Matthew 14, the story where Jesus walks on water. I was instantly convicted as I noticed the parallels between my heart and the disciples’ in that moment. They had just witnessed Jesus feed thousands of people with one loaf of bread and a few fish and yet they doubted that He had the authority to calm the waves in that moment.
How am I any different?
I remembered how good God has been to me just in the past month, how He has shown me His faithfulness and his love for me yet I still question Him every day and always demand answers. I felt Him asking me,
“Why can’t my presence just be enough? Why can’t you let go and simply trust me?”
I remembered my sketch and the tree I had drawn in the middle of the water. Surrounded by waves and wind, being pushed back and forth but still standing firm, still. I could feel God reminding me that even in the midst of storms and doubt, I can rest on His promises that He can calm the wind and waves and still my heart.
There’s a song by upperroom that says “it may look like I’m surrounded but I’m surrounded by you”, and I could see myself in that tree in the water surrounded by chaos but standing firm, rooted.
Eager to share what I heard, I texted Caroline, and she encouraged me to read Psalm 1 and my mind was blown.
“But whose delight is in the law of the Lord, and who meditates on his law day and night. That person is like a tree planted by streams of water, which yields its fruit in season and whose leaf does not wither — whatever they do prospers.”
I sat in my bed in awe, completely speechless. The word of the Lord was right there in front of me not just in Psalm 1, but in the drawing I had been so frustrated over just hours before.
I am still struggling to fathom His goodness in this very moment, that he can use a simple sketch to breathe life into my lungs, that he calls us out upon the water so we can know and trust him intimately.
God is continuing to break the box I have put him in. He is showing me new ways to worship, new ways to hear his voice, new ways to experience community, and I know this is only a glimpse of the life I’ll get to live next year.
Thanks for taking the time to read this today, I would ask that you continue to pray for the Lord’s hand over my team, that we are preparing and being sanctified, looking more like Jesus daily so we can serve him well ot only next year but right where we are. Thanks for being a part of my journey, you are so loved by your heavenly father and you are never too far from Him.
In his hands,
Mallory
