I’m going to be very honest right now. I’m going to be vulnerable- because the world race isn’t always rainbows & happiness around the world. And in the hardship of the past month, God’s taught me a lot.
These past 37 days here in Africa have been some of the most challenging days on the race. I’ve missed my family. I’ve missed Guatemala. I’ve missed the freedoms of being able to choose what I want to eat & go where I want to go whenever I want to go. I’ve missed the comforts of hot showers & driving & my own bed. I’ve missed dance parties with my sisters. I’ve missed cuddles with Garrett & Saturday morning pancakes & tight squeezes from my mom. I’ve spent far too much time calculating what time it is in Colorado, imagining what must be going on at home at this exact moment- on my birthday & Christmas & new years- & feeling bad for myself for missing out. I’ve wanted to go home more than ever. & through all of this, I’ve been missing out on the here & now- almost letting it pass me by, just counting down the days until I’d be able to call my family again.
but what a draining & purposeless way that is to live.
I realized how useless my sulking & constant wishes to be home really are, & how I unfortunately let it consume me for far too long.
I had written down the phrase “for such a time as this” (from Esther 4:14) in my journal before even leaving Guatemala. I knew that this season would have a lot in store & that God had plans for us to be in this orphanage, in this country, on this continent- for such a time as this. I was reminded of this declaration a few weeks after being here when our leadership gave a teaching about this idea of choosing in.
Choosing into these people, into the hard days, into the unknowns. Choosing into making the most of this season. & trusting that God’s got something beautiful He’s gonna make out of it.
cause we’ve been put here for such a time as this.
Those earthly things I miss will all still be there for me when I go home. But this- this special time; this short 3 months; this is a time in my life that I won’t ever have again. I’m never going to be in this exact same place with these exact same people learning these exact same things ever again.
Sure, I still miss having my own room & would do anything to be able to use a washing machine some days, but I’ve learned that those things are so fleeting & that I’m ok. I’m more than ok. Because these moments, I’m gonna look back on & miss more than anything I miss at home right now.
I get to hold onto the promise that the Lord brought me to this place for such a time as this & continue to choose into living out that calling day in & out.
I get to choose every morning to face the day with joy.
I get to choose to be kind to the kids that are hard to love.
I get to choose to surrender the unknowns of home to God’s control.
I get to choose to be patient when some days feel never-ending.
I get to choose to trust that God’s got my future under control.
I get to choose to make the most of my time here.
Thank goodness that I can say I serve a God who gives me this freedom; a God who gives me the opportunity to choose into living for Him, not out of obligation or guilt- but because I love Him & it’s the least I can do to thank Him.
So here I am, choosing in- to this season & whatever unknowns may come in the next ones because I know that I am not here now by mistake, but for a purpose much greater than myself- & I don’t want to waste any time.
Until next time,
~mae
