who am i

who am i?

 

This is the question that I’ve been learning how to answer the right way, these past few weeks. 

 

So who am i?

 

For so much of my life, I’ve lived out of a place of expectations. a place of standards & pressure that I piled up on myself. I believed that getting good grades, and making the team, and being liked, and having responsibilities, and putting everyone before myself, and simply appearing put together would somehow make me “good enough.” 

 

good enough. 

 

Those 2 simple words encompassed all that I wanted to be. I didn’t have to be the best of the best or earn praise for what I did- I just wanted to meet this standard.  I wanted to be good enough so that I wouldn’t disappoint my family. So that no one would dislike me. So that I could feel fulfillment. I wanted to be good enough so that maybe… I could be worthy of god’s love. 

 

I lived out of a deep place of fear; because if I wasn’t achieving all of these standards that I held over my own head, then how could I be good enough for anyone, especially god?

 

These thoughts consumed me and I was completely unaware. All I knew was that this way of living just to keep up with my own expectations was exhausting. 

 

And then the question “Who am I?” was put in my mind when our squad heard a teaching on identity. I was told that my identity was found in God alone. (ok ya I already knew that).

But then I was told what that means for me.

 

because I was made in His image, I am worthy. 

I am whole. 

I am pure.

I am kind.

I am new.

I am beautiful.

I am strong.

I am blameless.

I am beloved.

I am known.

I am enough.

 

This is simply who I am. And the best part is that there is literally nothing that I could ever do to change this identity or earn god’s love any more than I already have.

 

All that I can do is lean into this truth.

Lean deeper into this identity. and choose every day to live it out- not because I have to, but because wow, what a gift it is that I get to live with the knowledge that I am a daughter of the highest king. The very least I can do is tell others about who God has made them to be too.

 

I’m still growing. I’m still learning. I’m still practicing. I’m still seeking boldness to proclaim this truth over my life everyday. But wow there is already so much freedom in it that I am so excited to walk in for the rest of my life.

 

Until next time,

~mae