A heart so full it’s overwhelmed.
That’s how I’d describe where I’m at right now.
It has been an embarrassingly long time since I first posted about my World Race journey and life has truly been a whirlwind these past 8 months. From finishing high school to fundraising like crazy, I couldn’t remember the last time I felt like I had taken a breath. I wasn’t living in a bad kind of overwhelming by any means- I created countless memories and constantly spent time with incredible friends, and had encouragement for this next year, and felt true joy in my quintessential senior year. My heart was full.
And then I went to Canada.
I spent my month of June on Work Crew at Young Life’s Malibu Club in British Columbia. I think leading up to this trip I overlooked what I could experience there and kept a focus on World Race being the next part of my life. I didn’t really know why God had given me such an incredible opportunity. In my mind I had put off any hopes of Jesus drastically working in my heart to happen once the World Race started. But what I gained from this wild month living on a rock in Canada surpassed any mere expectation I could have had.
At this camp on a little piece of paradise, there I found rest. There I found 50 new best friends. There I got to take a breath. There I saw the sweetest glimpses of heaven on earth. I got to live with people who chase after becoming more like who God created them to be and encourage me to do the same.
During this month I got to look at parts of the bible through devotionals on my own and with the people in my job. And over these weeks I kept coming across a certain phrase that seemed to speak to me so intentionally.
“with all my heart”
Proverbs 3:5-6 says: “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.”
From Psalm 9:1 to Psalm 86:12 to Psalm 119:10 these words continuously showed up in what I was learning and I couldn’t help but feel that Jesus was trying to ask me something.
It was in reading this that I realized what place of immense fear and anxiety I had been living out of for so long. I have been scared about what will happen after World Race and what people think of me, afraid that I won’t be able to fundraise all the money, and absolutely terrified to admit my inability to do all of it by myself.
But amidst all of that crippling overwhelm, Jesus asks me to trust Him- with all my heart. Not just when it’s convenient or with things that are easy, but with all that I am, all the time.
Sitting in a night of worship with my work crew pals from all over the country, serving campers for the same purpose and crying out praises to our Lord, my heart felt so so full.
This is my why. It’s Christ-centered community like this. It’s this selfless mindset. It’s this heart posture of thankfulness. It’s this breath of release that others can encourage me to embrace. It’s this feeling of being deeply known and loved. And it’s this sense of peace that Jesus graces me with that assures me of my purpose to serve Him with all my heart.
I have so much freaking love for Malibu and every person I got the chance to know over this past month. My heart is overwhelmed with this love and it’s made me wonder how on earth I’m supposed to make room to love 43 new best friends that will be by my side for the next year? But then I am reminded to trust my God with all my heart and I find peace in His plans. This month showed me that if I could become so close to a community like this in just one month then imagine what kind of close relationships are bound to come out of 9 months?
Jesus gave me Malibu as a precious gift. Not to overwhelm me but to gently show me a glimpse of what’s in store for my next chapter and kindly say “this is just the beginning.”
So here’s to the beginning. Here’s to my constant community of encouragers at home. Here’s to my work crew family that I know have my back no matter how far I travel. Here’s to a full heart that Jesus will always make room for and fill with exactly what I need.
