Okay. Listen. I’m gonna be real for a sec. I’ve never been someone who’s struggled with body image. Sure, I’ve had moments where I wished I had curves or looked less like a pole, but for the most part, what I look like hasn’t really bothered me before. Since being on the Race, this has changed.
While in Chiang Dao, we ate eggs, potatoes, and rice for every single meal. Every. Single. Meal. While I am soooooo thankful for the food we were blessed with, my body reacted in a way that I have never experienced before. When we left Chiang Dao, I realized that I had gained weight. More weight than I had ever gained in my entire 20 years of life. I hadn’t really seen myself in a full length mirror in a month, and when I did, I was so confused at who was looking back at me. My tummy had never poked out before. My thighs had never touched. My face looked puffy, and my neck looked droopy-ish. And to be completely honest, I was so mad at myself.
I was so upset that I had “let myself go”. I knew it was mainly because of the diet I had been given, but it was also because I wasn’t working out everyday or running like I should’ve been. I was so mad at myself for being so negligent. How could I look like this? How could I be so gross?
Then a thought occurred to me. This body has gotten me across oceans. This body has carried me to 2 continents. This body has held the hungry, hugged the orphan, helped the widow, and brought the gospel to places where it has never seen the light of day. This body, with its imperfections and dimples and squishy parts, has done true, authentic, untouched Kingdom work. What a blessing that I have feet that can walk, legs that can run, arms that can hold, and eyes that can see the beauty of culture everywhere I turn. How could I ever see myself as anything but God’s creation after experiencing that?
Does this mindset change the way I look? Nope. Does this mindset change the fact that I get insecure sometimes? Nope. But does this mindset change the way I see my body, and all of the amazing things God has been able to do with it? Absolutely. So yeah. I gained weight last month. As I begin to lose it, get stronger, and build muscle again, I’ll never let myself forget that this body carried me to the people who God needed me to love. And if that means extra squish for a little while, then bring it.
thankful and grateful,
Madison
