Coming on the Race, I knew that not every month would be sunflowers and daisies. I knew that there would be days where I wanted to go home, where I wanted to be alone, and when the only thing that could possibly make me feel better would be a hug from my Mom. After reading blogs from past racers and watching their YouTube videos, I was expecting to have this day when I came on this trip. What I didn’t expect was to have an entire month.
The month of December was a tough one for me. Not to mention it’s the month that holds my favorite holiday, and not seeing family on that day was a rough one. My team and I’s original ministry plans got cancelled, so we had no ministry all month. This meant we would get up every morning, have a worship session, and then pray to Abba for what we were meant to do that day. Usually, I would end up at the one coffee place in town, and sit all day with Abba. I made a friend at the coffee shop, and we would talk and laugh together when she wasn’t too busy working. This was what every day looked like for me.
Then, Christmas Day, everyone got sick. And I mean everyone. Sydney and I were the only two people who weren’t sick, so we decided to go nurse mode. We spent days getting crackers and sprite, trying to clean without cleaning supplies, and praying we wouldn’t get sick. We quarantined ourselves in a room upstairs, and tried to not drive ourselves crazy. To top it off, it rained for about 3 days straight, and dropped to 33 degrees. Coincidentally, we had no heat.
It was a hard month. I struggled in my faith, in my physicality, and emotionally. Abba stretched me further than I’ve ever gone before, and made me feel every moment of it. For awhile, I was aggravated. I wanted to be joyful and to thrive every single second I was in the mountains. But, that’s not what happened. That’s not the month I had. I spent a lot of time questioning why I was there, how any of it was benefitting anyone, and what it all meant.
To be completely honest, I don’t know what it all meant yet. I have no idea why Abba allowed such a tough month to come into reality. But I do know He is good. I know He calls me loved and cared for, and that this month didn’t change His character. One thing I can say with certainty and zero dramatics is that I am not the same person I was a month ago. I’ve grown, matured, and see things around me differently. I don’t think this would’ve happened if I hadn’t had a hard season. And if that’s all that comes out of it, I’ll be content.
But Abba is a Dad of abundance. He’s always showing me things about life and faith that I didn’t know before, and usually He teaches in ways I’m not expecting. So, yeah. This month was hard. It was messy and sickly and long and cold and full of uncertainty. But Abba was good. And if that’s all I know, then that’s enough.
