So I had one of the most profound yet humbling moments this morning during my devotion.
My team and I recently got more information pertaining to the race and where we will be doing ministry in Nicaragua (I will reveal the details in my next blog). With all the new ministry information we also have to take courses on safety and spiritual formation as well. One of the things we are asked to do is a 30 day devotional about listening to Jesus.
I just started it today and in the time it took me to read the chapter, I had a progression of thoughts:
“This is easy”
“God speaks to me all the time”
“Hmm, am I doing this wrong?”
“Do I really know how to listen”
“What does it mean to listen”
And finally,
“Where do I start”
We were encouraged to start off journaling, by asking the Lord to speak to us and to protect our hearts and minds so that we could hear God. We were then told to ask a question to start the conversation and then wait and listen.
This is how my conversation went.
1. Will I pass NCLEX on Monday?
Now this may seem like a super silly question to ask the God over all the earth, an omnipresent, omniscient, omnipotent God. But this has been a huge burden on me since I started studying in January. This is the test that separates me from becoming a nurse. It is the test that, if I do not pass, will prevent me from leaving for the Race with the June route. It’s the test that is preventing me from being fully engaged with my family before I leave for a year. It’s given me a lot of anxiety and I have shed so many tears over it.
But this is how I heard God answer my question.
He said, “Do you trust me?”
A very chilling response to such an earthly problem and worry.
I do trust the Lord and that’s what I told him. I have had to have so much faith to get me to this point in my life. Nursing school was hard and there were so many days where I thought I wasn’t going to pass or that I couldn’t do it anymore. But the one thing that I seemed to always remember and have peace about was that the Lord was going to see me though it. If you have heard any part of my testimony in the past 3 years, it has revolved around how I needed to have faith to trust that the Lord was going to see me through like He did so many other times.
As my mom would tell me in moments of doubt. “Ye of little faith” a commonly used quote to focus me and remind me that God has a hand in everything and has not forgotten about me.
Today I felt like I actually listened for that answer. Usually, I ask and then I go off and continue with my day and forget that I had asked anything. I felt like I sat there for so long before I heard anything, but that’s the point. We have to be patient and trust that he will answer us. Yes, there will be times when it doesn’t happen right away or he may not give you the answer you are looking for, personally I would have loved a definitive yes or no when I asked my question. But that is okay, because what’s faith without a little trust?
~Kenzie
Prayer Requests:
– I pass NCLEX
– My team is safe and we all get to training camp and launch on time and safe
– That goodbyes wouldn’t be to hard
– I don’t forget anything and I get everything done before I leave
