NOTE: Everything posted in these blogs are for my walk with Christ and personal growth. Nothing in my blogs is to hurt anyone or embarrass anyone. Its my life and this is my truth. Thank you for understanding and keeping up with my Faith!
These past few weeks have been tough on me. I’ve been harboring a lot of emotion and thoughts and have ultimately ended up hurting myself. Lately, my relationship of two and a half years came to an end. There was no anger, no actual issue. There just came a time in where we felt disconnected. We both knew the only solution. We both prayed and seeked for a solution for what was to come and both got the same answer. God was directing us to seek new and different avenues in life and led us to get together and agree it was time to end things.
The next few days were tough of course. All these thoughts and memories going through my head were giving me a harder time by the day. I was trusting in God and what he had for me.Seeking him and being the best christian I could be. But it felt like things weren’t getting easier. I was becoming fearful that the wrong decision was made and that it could quite possibly have been my own thoughts. Defeat seemed impossible to avoid. Anger would rise inside of me then be taken over by the sorrow. A constant battle in my head and my heart.
I tried distracting myself and finding things that would take my attention and it worked for a few days. That was until I ran out of ideas. The memories and emotion started taking me over once again. I continued to look to God for peace and reassurance that everything was gonna be okay. I felt frustration, no answers were being given and I still felt the pain that I was becoming accustom to. I remember laying in bed and a few nights ago reminiscing on everything thats taken place in these past few weeks. I was forgetting how blessed I was. God was there the whole time, I was demanding answers and backup to if what was going on was supposed to happen but I wasn’t being patient enough for him to show me or for me to listen. I became foolish. I doubted my God and lost trust only because I allowed myself to be tempted and tried by the Devil.
So here I am. Sitting in front of my computer, anxious. Whats to come in my life? Whats right around the corner? Will it build me up or break me down? it doesn’t matter. Gods intention is all I want. Its what I seek. So, as of right now, I’ve accepted whats happening in my life. Not to say it doesn’t hurt anymore, I am still facing a little contemptness. But I refuse to put such earthly things over the Power of God. God will deliver me through all things. Its up to me to be diligent in the Word of God and to seek him and his Glory fully. So to anyone who may be angry at God or maybe upset with the things that are happening and being layed out in front of you. Be smarter then I was, it took me too long to realize my mistake and try to fix it. I let myself suffer because I was oblivious. Call to the Lord, thank him, and most importantly never give up on him because hes never giving up on you.
