This is another blog written from my time of ministry last month 🙂 I pray that it blesses you!
What is Love??? Baby don’t hurt me oh no…
Have you ever been asked a question and then are surprised by the immediate response in your head? Like oh I thought I pictured this certain thing this certain way, or I thought I was different or a better person and would respond with the answer of an angelic being and then your brain is like haha jokes on you. I’m not totally sure if that makes sense, but my brain (Brianca) as I like to call her, really throws some curve balls at me sometimes.
You’re either:
A. Nodding and doing praise hands in agreement.
Or
B. You’re totally lost.
For those of you choosing B I’m gonna give you an example.
So, the other day my team leader asked us what does ministry mean to you? As the table went around giving beautiful Christ like answers…my first thought was WORK. I then started an argument with Brianca (my brain) and said no come on get a Jesus answer together so you sound good. Kept going around the table until it was my turn, and Brianca who normally can’t shut up with words and thoughts suddenly went on her lunch break. And I said WORK. I felt such conviction as I said that.
To realize something you’ve done your entire life (ministry has been a part of my life literally since I was 6 because of my dad being a pastor), is seen as work and obligation over delight and choosing to deny yourself for Jesus and all that Mother Teresa jazz; like I thought my answer would be…is a hard pill to swallow.
Basically I realized I have always seen ministry as work/obligation and my driving motivation behind doing work was to get validation. For example I’m nice and sweet to you so that you’ll validate me by thinking I’m a good person. Or I lead worship so that you’ll validate my gifts by telling me how much my song impacted you. Or I’ll pray for this person in order to feel validated by them thanking me their prayer got answered; and like If I pray for enough people or serve enough hours maybe my sin that I keep falling into will be covered up. Like maybe it’ll all just weigh out. Cause if you do enough good things you still get gold star stickers right?? My motivation behind everything I was
Doing was to somehow impress you with
What I was doing in order
To receive validation from you,
And in order that I could find my security and value in that validation you or whoever gave me; instead of looking to christ to validate me. Woooofffff. Talk about reality check.
In 1 Corinthians 13 it talks about how if you aren’t motivated by love then you can do all the things that look like “ministry” but it’s just a bunch of noise. That love has to be your motivation or else you’re just making a lot noise but not a lot of impact.
I wrote a song about it, cause Holy Spirit is so cool and has been giving me a lot of songs.
The verse says:
“Jesus I want your love to be my motivation. Not so that people think I’m good just trying to get validated. I don’t want everything I do to just be a lot of noise disguised in the name of you.”
So, if you find yourself in the same place as me, pray. Pray as much as you can as often as you feel validation creeping in as your motivation. Pray that Jesus would fill your need for validation with him and help you to walk out his love to others and to yourself. Life is a journey, you’re not gonna get it all right and you’re never gonna have it all figured out. Ya girl surely does not…However, the Holy Spirit eagerly wants to guide you and kindly lead you into a life that is closer to how Jesus lived. Let’s go on the journey together.
Liv
