Some goodbyes are easy. Some goodbyes are healthy. Some are temporary, some permanent. Some are tearful and difficult because you have to say them to people you don’t want to leave. For the last two weeks, my life has been full of these, and as I write this, my goodbyes are still not over.
My first goodbye was to the daycare I had worked at for four years. I learned many lessons there, about myself, about children, about parenting, and about working with 20 other women. I met many wonderful parents, many of whom have shown so much support for this journey God has led me on. What I learned about myself is that I can get stuck in my schedule, and when it’s threatened, I don’t take it well. But over time I had to learn how to go with the flow, to be flexible, and be willing to go wherever and do whatever was needed of me to help everything run smoothly. I crave order and organization, which you often don’t find in a daycare. It might not be found much on this mission trip either, which will be a challenge for me to adapt to. I had to say goodbye to the friends I made there, and I had to say goodbye to some sweet babies, toddlers, and pre-schoolers, many whom I had known since before they learned to crawl. I watched many of them go from screaming little bed babies to screaming toddlers. It’s insane to watch how quickly children grow. I could have sworn I was rocking a few of them to sleep just a year ago, but three weeks ago I was sitting with many of them at lunch tables, helping them prepare for Kindergarten. It wasn’t an easy job. There were a lot of headaches, tears shed, bruises, and even a couple of bites. It can be an emotionally and physically draining job. But despite it all, I loved them. The love I formed for them is only a fraction of what their actual parents feel for them, I’m sure, but I knew I would protect them at any cost if I needed to. I will remember their sweet faces and their laughs. I only hope I can see them again one day.
My second goodbye was to my church, the only church I’ve been a member of, the church my family has attended for near a century. I met so many wonderful people in the church who have impacted my life and poured so much into me. Before I was truly saved, I didn’t think you had to go to church to be a good Christian. I thought I could do it all on my own, worship God in my way. What I didn’t realize was that I was just lying to myself and denying Scripture. It is vital for a Christian to have a body to be with in fellowship and worship. A Christian is weak and vulnerable without one. I used to hate church. I thought everyone there was just hypocrites. What I didn’t realize was that I was a hypocrite too, professing the name of Christ while doing things that dishonored Him. Being back in the church (and trying to convince a friend to go back as well) taught me that saying no to a body of believers because they aren’t “perfect” is a smack in the face to Jesus. I’m not perfect either, far from it, yet He died for me. To the congregation of First Baptist, thank you for the wisdom you bestowed on me. Thank you for helping me grow into a more mature Christian, and thank you for supporting me.
My third goodbye was to my sister and my sweet 8-month-old nephew. This one, by far, was the hardest. My sister and I didn’t have a good relationship growing up. We fought a lot. I never thought we would be close. I never thought we would actually grow to love and care for each other or live in peace. But low and behold, we have achieved that relationship. Does Houston have something to do with that? Oh, yeah. Houston was a surprise for us all. He was a surprise that changed our lives, and for the better, might I add. My sister had to let go of a lot of things and a lot of people, and I realized I needed to stop being selfish with my time. I realized my sister needed me. Houston’s birth was a whirlwind of emotions. Everything looked to be going smoothly, but Rebekah suddenly stopped dilating. The storm going on outside the hospital, complete with tornado warnings and hail didn’t help. Eventually, Rebekah had to be taken back for a c-section, so I waited in the waiting lobby with my dad and step-dad. I was so scared that something was going to go wrong, but it was only 15 minutes later that we were told everyone made it through just fine. The three of us hurried to the observation windows to see little Houston laying in one of those cribs, screaming his little lungs out as the nurses messed with him. My heart was captured at that moment. It’s been such a privilege getting to watch Houston grow. It’s such a lively, happy, smart, and silly little boy. Houston, I thank God every day for choosing me to be your aunt. I can’t wait to see you again.
Many other goodbyes have already been said, and more lay in my future still. Is this a sad time in my life? No. Though these goodbyes are painful, they must be done so that I can step into the plans God has for me. Have I cried a lot? Oh, yeah. But through it all, I have so much peace and certainty. I’m not second-guessing this. I’m not afraid. I’m not regretting this decision. I am excited! Thank you, Lord, for allowing me to do this.
I leave with my mom and step-dad to head to Atlanta on Friday, where we will remain for a few days of training. My team and I are expected to arrive at our ministry location in Ulaanbaatar, Mongolia by August 7th. Please keep us in your prayers. And thank you, all of you, for everything.
