Today I’m stuck at home due to a stomach virus, so with nothing else to do, I figured it would be a good time to write out a blog post.
As some of you may know, to go on this mission trip I had to seek professional counseling. I’m not sure if the rest of my teammates did, but due to suffering through depression, suicidal thoughts, addiction, and immorality in my past, counseling was required for me. The purpose of this counseling was to ensure that I had worked through everything in my past and that I am now equipped to deal with struggles and situations I may encounter on this mission trip. When they first told me this I was a little skeptical. In high school I went to therapy, and I think I attended only three or four sessions before I told my mom I didn’t need to go anymore because I was fine. Of course, that wasn’t true. I just hated going because I felt there was nothing beneficial coming out of it. So that experience left a bad taste in my mouth toward all types of counseling. I also felt that God had been my counselor and had helped me through all that I had struggled with in my past as I grew in Him. He certainly helped, but He knew I needed someone special in my life to guide me even further in the healing process.
Get all the advice and instruction you can, so you will be wise the rest of your life. You can make many plans, but the LORD’S purpose will prevail.
Proverbs 19:20-21
I wanted to go on this mission trip with every fiber of my being. I knew this was what God was calling me to. So I sucked it up and went to a Christian counseling center, which was the complete opposite of what I had gone to in high school. When I walked in, I was surprised to be greeted by smiling faces and a cheerful atmosphere. It didn’t feel like a gloomy doctor’s office with glass windows and a busy receptionist. The environment was warm and inviting, and I immediately felt better about being there. I checked in and went back to the waiting area, which was a dimly lit room with couches, magazines, and toys for children. I wasn’t sitting long before my counselor, Laura, came and greeted me. Yeah, we share the same first name! How cool is that? Anyway, she lead me upstairs to her office, which was similar in decor to the waiting room, minus the toys. Unlike the therapist from high school, Laura didn’t sit behind a desk in a rolling chair while I sat in a small seat in front of the desk. Laura invited me to sit on whatever couch I preferred and make myself comfortable, which was easy to do, and she sat directly across from me in an armchair. I told her what I was seeking counseling for, that I was going on The World Race, and I was required to seek counseling because of things I’d gone through in my past. She had a list of all I’d experienced already, so there was nothing I could hide from her. Not that I would have anyway, but I knew we were going to be diving into areas of my past that caused me tremendous shame. I remember that first appointment like it was yesterday. I’m a pretty private person, so the ease I found in pouring myself out to Laura was surprising. After we finished sharing with each other, I left that first appointment unusually excited to come back. It felt so good to have someone to talk to again. Because, you know, I’m a hermit with no friends.
So encourage each other and build each other up, just as you are doing.
1 Thessalonians 5:11
The following appointments were filled with more sharing, and it definitely got emotional at times. I told her about all the pain I’d experienced growing up, about how I blamed myself for some of the things that happened, how my sister and I tortured each other up until a few years ago, and about how I rebelled against God and tried to fill the hole in my chest with things of this world. I talked about how much shame I harbored, and how part of me wished I could go back and do things differently. I talked about how after I surrendered to Christ, I immediately felt this overwhelming peace I’d never experienced before. I told her about all the things God was teaching me, and how He was removing the veil from my eyes and softening my heart. I told her how I felt like a completely different person, and the comments my family had made about my transformation. I revealed how excited I am for this mission trip, and that I knew it wasn’t going to be easy. She shared so much godly wisdom with me and gave me so much insight on my past and my behavioral habits and tendencies, and she instructed me in coping methods I could use now and on the mission field. And they really have helped! I actually used one of her coping methods as a blog post. Going to counseling has transformed me, and has opened so many windows into my past that I hadn’t been able to see through before. I have much greater insight, and I know all that Laura taught me will come in handy while I’m on the mission field. If anyone is struggling with anything or just wants someone to talk to, I highly recommend seeking Christian counseling. Even if you’re not sure where you stand with God, I still encourage you to go to a Christian counselor. You won’t regret it!
