“Make every effort to keep yourselves united in the Spirit, binding yourselves together with peace. For there is one body and one Spirit, just as you have been called to one glorious hope for the future.” Ephesians 4:3-4
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This year will be over within five hours, and I will admit that I’m feeling a little emotional. This year has been huge for me. In the beginning, I was filled with so much hope for what I thought was coming. I thought I was going to be getting married and finally settling down, but what I wanted was different from what God has planned for me. It was through the pain and suffering of this heartbreak that I finally surrendered everything to God, and Yeshua Hamashiach became the center and head of my life. He is my life.
Since becoming saved eight months ago, God has radically transformed me. Even my family will tell you that I am a completely different person from who I was a year ago. Now I am following a completely different path, the one that God wants me on instead of the one I selfishly sought after. It is this year that I will be going on a mission trip across the world and stepping into dangerous areas with my team to reach the unreachable, and love the neglected.
But I know that even though I have been given this amazing opportunity, I cannot stop seeking to grow in my own relationship with God. I know that becoming lazy in my walk now would be detrimental to my spiritual health, and I would not be able to serve Him to the proper capacity. It could even result in me not going on this mission trip. But I know that as I continue to humbly seek God’s wisdom, truth, and heart, He will further equip me with all that I need to do His will.
2019 will be a year of endurance, spiritual warfare, spiritual growth, and abundant with God’s love and faithfulness. I have experienced a lot of spiritual warfare already since being accepted onto The World Race, but I have a feeling it’s going to be worse as August nears. Part of me is dreading the battles I may have to face, but I know that every trial and test put before me as a way to give me endurance and patience, and to keep me humble. I know that God will not abandon me, and I know that I will not be tempted beyond what I can handle. Our Father is not cruel, and He does not shove us aside to chase someone better. We are all fearfully and wonderfully made; we are all made in His image. He has given each of us a wonderful plan for our lives. Whether or not we follow His path is up to us.
As I continue to work with God in preparing for this mission trip, there are things within myself I would like to see change. I want to stop feeling like I have to control everything. I want to stop feeling anxious and upset whenever something doesn’t go according to my schedule when I am expecting it to, like when I had to keep my daycare kids up from naptime a little late and I flipped my lid. I got so angry and frustrated, and I thought my anger as justified. But after being spoken firmly to by my boss and having time to reflect, I realized I was in the wrong. I realized I was being stubborn, and I was assuming the worst was going to happen when everything was fine in the end. My actions could not be justified, and I apologized to my boss for the way I behaved.
I do not take pride in my flaws. I don’t seek unity in my shortcomings. I don’t want people to know that I can be selfish with my time and possessions, that I can be self-righteous, that I can be unyielding when I shouldn’t be. I don’t want people knowing that I am afraid, and I sometimes doubt that God can use me for great things. I hold myself to a high standard. I’m hard on myself. I don’t make excuses, and I often times don’t accept excuses from other people. This causes me to be disappointed in others often, to be saddened and grieved by the things they do or say.
Going into 2019, I would like to find balance in many areas of my life. I would like to learn biblical grace and show more compassion for my brothers and sisters who are struggling with sin. I would like to be brave and gain the courage to speak biblical truth to my family and friends, but do it with love and gentleness so they know I’m not trying to condemn them. I would like to gain more confidence in who I am and who God is while remaining humble, and train myself to speak with eloquence and clarity, rather than stumble over my words. I would like to learn more about God’s heart and take on His attributes; I want His empathy, His patience, His tenderness, His wisdom, His mercy, His selflessness, His grace, His faithfulness. I want to become stronger in my prayer life. I want to become better at setting aside time for God instead of squeezing Him in when I have spare time. I want to be immovable and put into practice all that He commands. I want to be more zealous for the Kingdom, and burn with intense passion for Him and spreading the Gospel. I want to trust Him more. I want to be like Jesus.
May God bless every one of you, and I pray 2019 will be a year of spiritual growth and revelation. I pray the Body of Christ remains strong and steadfast, refusing to be swept away by the increasing cultural tides. I pray that we grow in compassion, wisdom, and unity, and let go of petty issues that divide us. I pray we move together as one and keep our eyes focused on God’s glory so that we may let His glory shine through us for the rest of the world to see.
If you would like to pray for me, here’s a few things you can pray for:
- Patience
- Wisdom
- Balance
- Grace
- Discernment
- Empathy
- Trust
- Willingness to endure
- Joy
- Peace
- Safety
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“Teach these new disciples to obey all the commands I have given you. And be sure of this: I am with you always, even to the end of the age.” Matthew 28:20
