“And I will bring the third part through the fire, refine them as silver is refined, and test them as gold is tested. They will call on My name, and I will listen and answer them; I will say, ‘They are My people,’ and they will say, ‘Adonai is my God.'” Zechariah 13:9
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As the years come to an end, I always like to reflect back on what that year has been like, and what my hopes are for the future. With 2019 less than a month away, I figured now would be a great time.
If you had asked me in January of this year what I wanted the rest of the year to look like, it would have gone something like this, “Hopefully I’ll be married by the end of this year, or preparing to get married. I’d love to find a small house to live in with my future husband.” If you had asked me what my relationship with God is like, I would have given you a basic church answer; “He is amazing, and He has blessed me so much.” (Still true, but now within a totally different context.) If you had asked me what I wanted my life to look like in five years, I’d have said this, “Hopefully I’ll be living happily with my husband, and maybe with a child or two!” Now, at the end of 2018, looking back at what I aspired for then is laughable now. I do not laugh out of bitterness or resentment, but I laugh because I wouldn’t have gained what I have now. If I had gotten what I wanted then, I would have missed out on so many opportunities that God has given me.
In my first blog post, I gave details on what happened at the beginning of this year. I explained how I came to be saved, and a couple of the trials I endured. However, most of those outside my family, close friends, and teammates have not been updated on what I have experienced since being accepted onto The World Race.
“When you begin to play your part in the redemptive task God has planned, the enemy will stop at nothing to try and prevent you from doing it.” – Van Martin
Patient endurance is what you need now so that you will continue to do God’s will. Then you will receive all that He has promised.” Hebrews 10:36
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Most of my life I have not been financially responsible. Before God began to move in my life, I blew my income on time-wasting and mind-numbing virtual worlds and video games. It wasn’t until about mid-2017 that I realized I had nothing saved up, and that I would have no way to take care of myself should something happen to my family. Since then I have been careful with my money, sometimes to a fault. I have been stingy in the past, and reluctant to give anything to anyone. I wouldn’t even offer tithe to my church. Since I have been saved, God has opened my heart and increased my generosity immensely. However, the need to control lingers still. There is a battle within myself constantly, but I know that nothing I am given belongs to me. Everything I am, everything I have belongs to the Lord. As a Christian, it is my duty, privilege, and (sometimes painful) pleasure to give to my church and to those in need. I must surrender my grip on my possessions and money and find the balance between being stingy, being reckless, and being a responsible financial stewardess.
Satan knows this is a weakness, and he has been exploiting that weakness of mine. I drive a 2007 Chevy Malibu with over 110,000 miles on it, most of them put on by me. I’ve had it since I was 16, and before that, it belonged to my mom. Up until September, I’ve had maybe one major problem with it, aside from getting side-swiped in West Virginia in 2015. Molly runs great. She can get up and go faster than some of the newer cars, so it’s not like I was expecting her to start breaking down any time soon. But, the very same week I was accepted onto The World Race, I began to have issues. I was on my way to Bass Pro Shops with my mom and sister, and my transmission began to shudder when shifting gears. Of course, I started getting worried. I said there’s no way I can afford to fix my car with this mission trip coming up. Luckily, I have not had that happen again. A couple weeks later my check engine light came on, and my engine temperature sensor was no longer reading. So I went to AutoZone, and much to my relief, a new sensor cost only $20. I had my uncle install the new sensor, hopeful that it would fix the problem. It didn’t, and my gas mileage began to plummet. So I took my car to a mechanic, and sure enough, it was my thermostat. It cost me nearly $200 to get that fixed. I was hopeful that would be the end of my car troubles.
It wasn’t.
Last week when driving back into the parking lot at work, my fuel gauge needle dropped to empty, even though it had read half a tank moments prior. My heart sank, and immediately I texted my family to see if they knew what could have caused it. I got out and looked under my car to see if there was a puddle, or to make sure I couldn’t smell any gas. I saw nothing, and I smelled nothing. Fighting back tears, I walked back into work to finish out my day. I shouldn’t have done this, but I looked up the possible causes. One article said that if my fuel gauge wasn’t working, it could cost anywhere between $700 and $900 to fix it, and then I really lost it. I immediately requested prayer for peace, strong faith, and willingness to endure. After my workday was completed, I went back out to my car and checked to see if there was a puddle. There wasn’t one, so I got in my car and started it. The fuel gauge still read empty, so I decided to head to a gas station before going home. Of course, on my way to the gas station, the needle popped back up to half a tank! I knew I was being played with. I filled up my tank anyway, and sure enough, it was reading properly. That still wasn’t the end of my car issues, though. Now my car’s rear passenger side break is grinding and scraping, and I’ve learned that it could be the residual effect of an even bigger problem. There’s no telling how much it will cost if I have to get more than the break and rotor pad fixed. This has caused me quite a bit of financial anxiety, which I’m not used to.
“Always be joyful. Never stop praying. Be thankful in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you who belong to Christ Jesus.” 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18
“In conclusion, be strong in the Lord and in the power of His might. Put on the full armor of God, so that you may be able to stand up against all the schemes and the strategies and the deceits of the devil. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the powers, against the world forces of this darkness, against the spiritual forces of wickedness in the heavenly places.” Ephesians 6:10-12
Through all this, I am not discouraged. If anything, these trials have emboldened me. I know now that when I become a threat to the enemy, he will fight me. When I lived in sin, when I lived for myself, I was no threat to him. I lived comfortably, doing what I wanted with little to no resistance. Now it’s a privilege and an honor to be considered a threat to him, and I know that with God, all things are possible.
I doubt my troubles will end here. If they do, praise God! But if not, I will continue to press on. I will continue to fight. I will continue to seek God’s plan for my life, and I know He will protect me.
“For I can do everything through Christ, who gives me strength.” Philippians 4:13
