Moroc(can I go home now)

As the title might give away, the transition from Central America to Africa was a lil challenging for ya girl. We spent some time in Spain training on African culture and what it’s like to be a christian. On all the words we couldn’t say and all the body parts we couldn’t show and then we crossed a ferry to an unknown land of people staring or yelling at us, not knowing what language to even speak back. We piled onto an overnight train and tried to fall asleep as our fifty-pound packs would pick a victim to fall on in the middle of the night. We arrived in the desert, where little did I know, I would be sleeping on an ice pack in order to be able to fall asleep while sharing a one bedroom apartment with eight women and two children.

At that point I shut down. I downloaded two seasons of Brooklyn 99 and I daydreamed about what it would be like to be back in my cozy room with my queen-sized bed drinking a homemade chai latte in the cool autumn weather. To have space, to have freedom, to know the language that everyone speaks. I didn’t think I would ever have to battle culture shock so intensely and I was almost embarrassed it was happening because I pride myself on being an easy-going, free spirited gal.

But then I started to meet some genuine people. I got excited to share my perspective and stories with women so excited to learn more about my life. Women who authentically wanted to know me even if our religions or backgrounds were so extremely different. Women who invited me into their homes, fed me, called me family and quite literally gave me the clothes off their backs. I didn’t think I deserved any of this considering I had spent the first few weeks here dreading leaving the apartment.

It definitely took some time but I finally started to adjust to life in Africa. I was on the worship team, making friends and getting up thirty minutes early to spend time with the Lord. The temperatures cooled off and I could finally get a fair price on taxis. I got comfortable. However, there was more that the Lord wanted for me this month. Refinement. I don’t even think I knew what I was asking for but the Lord gave it to me lolll. The literal definition of what I was asking for is “the process of removing impurities or unwanted elements from a substance.” Removing impurities is painful and vulnerable and felt like a constant battle inside of me. I lost that battle a few times this month. But the good news is that the Lord has the ultimate victory and I have never felt that more than during this month. A lot of the time we can complain like the Israelites because we look around and all we see is the wilderness. We don’t see the fruit or the purpose and we get stuck wandering around in our own self pity. BUT GUESS WHAT that is not our destiny. Jesus died for us so that we could come from a place of victory, the Promise Land. So if we ever look around and feel like we are in the desert, it is because the Lord is showing us what He saved us from, but we have a permanent home in the Promise Land. There is no confusion, no wandering and no room for us to believe the lies that we have to do this alone. I opened up to my team this month and it was extremely hard to swallow my pride and trust that coming forward with mistakes I’ve made would actually bring life and not judgement or shame. My friends came around me and made me realize this isn’t a battle I have to fight alone. And if you learned NOTHING from the end of Infinity Wars then you should know that when friends and teammates come along side of you to help fight your battle, there is nothing more powerful or worthy of a movie theatre standing ovation 😉

So absolutely, this is the first month on the race I was ready to call it quits, to emotionally check out and be done. The first three months of the race was filled with crazy revelation and spiritual highs I didn’t think I could go any deeper. This month I have learned to put my trust in the truth and promises the Lord gives us not just the feelings I had when I worshipped or made a good decision. I thank the Lord I have community around me to keep pushing, a God who forgives and a divine destiny for greater things for my life.