Last week I came home from ministry, laid down on the porch outside the room where our team lives this month, cried a little, and fell asleep.
That’s a part of the Race that you’re less likely to find on Instagram amongst the pictures of Racers on epic adventures and doing ministry around the world.
Our squad is well into month four of our Race. We’re a third of the way through our Race and in two weeks we’ll be leaving the continent where we spent those first four months, Africa, for four months in Asia.
Our time in Africa has been unforgettable. I’ve seen the Lord move in new ways. I’ve seen people come to Christ. I’ve seen people physically healed by the power of the Holy Spirit. My prayer for my squad and myself is that we never lose our wonder for the Lord’s miracles.
I’m in awe of the Lord, what He’s done, and what He is doing. I’m excited to see what He has around the corner for our squad. And at the same time, I’m weary.
I’m weary. But, praise God, He isn’t.
The last four months I’ve heard my friends talk about being homesick, unable to relate. I think part of me thought I’d make it through the entirety of the Race without ever being truly homesick.
But alas, I’m human and things wear on me after a while.
That day I fell asleep on the porch (honestly, Kearstin, who does just falls asleep on the porch?) I woke up and grabbed some notes from home to read.
I opened a few funny notes from my friends and a couple from my mom. You know how it goes. Read notes from friends for a good laugh. Read the notes from your mom if you need a good cry. It’s all about balance.
One note from my mom had nothing but the words of Matthew 11:28.
“Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.”
One thing I’ve come to learn about myself is that I tend to try hiding my hard emotions from others, from myself, and from the Lord.
If I had it my way, I would be a-okay at all times. But that’s not reality. Because first of all, every human alive has hard emotions. We all get weary and tired and mad and sad and everything in between. We live in a fallen world where things are just difficult sometimes. That fact isn’t surprising to the Lord and it shouldn’t be surprising to us either (but hey, it is sometimes and that’s alright).
And second of all, of all people to try hiding things from, the all-knowing Creator of the Universe probably isn’t an easy one to hide from. Adam and Eve tried. It didn’t go so well for them either.
As I sat on the porch reading that verse, it was like the Lord looked at me and said “Little girl, you’re allowed to be tired and sad. You’re allowed to miss your mom and your family and friends. And you’re right, missing the holidays is tough. Shoot, it’s even okay that you miss “silly things” like air conditioning and your clothes and a regular gym and iced coffee and chocolate that’s not melted. It’s okay if you’re weary. I knew you would be. Just come to me.”
The “come to me” part hasn’t always made sense to me if I’m honest. At times it feels like the good Christian thing to say because it sounds nice.
But, I think it’s comparable to the movies when a parent is talking with their rough around the edges, going through some stuff teenager.
The parent always sits the kid down and says something along the lines of “I just want you to come to me with these things.”
What they mean is they want their child to be honest about what they’re going through and how they’re feeling. They want to talk about it with them and offer help, guidance, and comfort where they can.
I think the Lord wants the same thing of us.
He wants us to know that He doesn’t expect us to have it all together. In fact, He knows we never will and that will never impact the depth with which He loves us. He wants us to be honest with Him about what we’re going through and what we’re feeling so He can offer help, guidance, and comfort where He can. He’s just a good Father who loves His kids.
Pretending to be okay doesn’t serve anyone well. Not us, not the Lord, not the people around us. Hiding our weariness does nothing but hinder our ability to say “Look what God did,” because instead we’re busy saying “Look how strong I am.”
Bringing our weariness to the light, to the Lord, helps us agree that grace is real, the Lord’s love is unmatched and that His power is made perfect in our weakness.
Even when we feel a little weary, He’s still good. He’s a loving Father who’s there for His kids. He just wants us to come to Him in honesty and humility about where we’re at.
Take it to the Lord. Whatever you’re weary about. He wants to listen. He wants to help, guide, and comfort you. All you have to do is be honest.
