With one week left in Guatemala, we are starting to process leaving and soon being in Ethiopia. I’ve realized how lucky I am to have started in Guatemala. The base has been so nice, the staff have poured into us so well, we are surrounded by beautiful towns with good food and WiFi. Having WiFi has allowed me to face time with my family and friends every weekend and keep everyone updated on my blogs and social media. Having the ability to still keep up with all of these things has made it easy for Guatemala to so quickly make me feel at home and like I’ve been here for so long. Now that I’ve been processing leaving, I’ve started feeling homesick constantly for the first time. It’s like my heart is finally mourning being away from all that I know. Soon I won’t be on the same continent as home and an easy plane ride back, but I will be across the ocean on a new continent with nothing that is familiar. I will be four hours away from the city and from any way of contacting my family for three months. The weight of that distance and time is finally setting in now that I’ve experienced Guatemala. The Antigua weekends of Taco Bell, WiFi, and an iced vanilla latte from Guatejava that made me feel like I was still at home are soon coming to an end and I’ve been struggling to grasp that.
I am still so excited for Ethiopia, for a change of scenery, new ministries and relationships, and a whole new culture but I don’t think I was giving myself the chance to feel any other emotions. I’ve realized there is fear, nervous anticipation, and homesickness that I need to feel. The difference in this process is that I have the ultimate supporter and comforter to help me through this. I think I forgot that the Lord wants to celebrate with me, but he also wants to be with me through the sad and hard emotions. He always provides and I believe nothing is just a coincidence- he has planned everything in perfect timing for a specific reason. So, when I got to meet up with the Love Guatemala team from my home church, Bridge Christian Church, the timing was no accident. As I’ve been so strongly feeling all of this, the Lord gave me a moment of peace and a time of encouragement. The team probably didn’t realize it, but they were exactly what I needed before I took off to my next country. They gave me the strength I needed to move on and brought home all the way to Guatemala for me. Home for me is in the people that I love and in the people that love me and I am so thankful that I had opportunity to be back home even for just a day.
I met up with the team where I was greeted with hugs from family members and friends back home. Some team members were even wearing my shirts…Stop that’s so cute. To see people I recognized, knew who me and my family were, and came from where I lived was so overwhelming in the best way possible. I was so filled with love from home and felt encouraged in all that I was doing and what I was going to do. It reminded me that people back home hadn’t forgotten about me and they believed in me and what God was doing through me on the field. At lunch Julie and I took selfies and the whole table just talked about everything happening. Honestly, I can’t remember much because my mind and mouth were moving at 100 mph. There was so much I wanted to know and so much I wanted to tell. Then I got the most american lunch ever- A Cheeseburger, french fries, and lemonade! The way the team loved me so well and took care of my meal meant the world for me. On a world race budget having a meal paid for is the sweetest thing ever…it made me feel like I was being taken care of again. It was so small, but for a moment I could rest. We also went to the markets and shopped. It was so fun getting to talk about Antigua since I knew it well and give pointers about Guatemala shopping (also Bri killed it with the bargaining). It gave me a chance to be proud not only where I came from, but to show people whom I cared about what my new home was like. I had never got to personally talk and show someone else Guatemala, so it gave me a sense of ownership of my time here and all the good in it.
The goodbyes and last hugs were so good. I had wondered before hand what it would feel like to say goodbye since I was already so homesick. Instead of making it worse, I left feeling completely restored and poured into. I know that day was supposed to happen exactly when it did.
I’ve really been missing home; the people, traditions, and the familiarity of the life I had. Everything on the race has been new and so hard. My time here has definitely been a season of growth. Not an easy, slow growth but one full of growing pains and wilderness. In this season, though, I praise the Lord that he has still blessed me with moments of joy that are full of laughter. I am able to look back on the growth that has happened so far with gratitude because I’ve changed and there has been actual movement in my life. One of my biggest fears is that I live a life that isn’t extraordinary and becomes mundane and numbing. How boring would it be if we never changed and became stagnant? I am beginning to realize what this means though. The growth in that kind of life requires one to constantly do what is new and uncomfortable. There will never be a finish line or a goal to obtain, but will be a continuous journey. As each day brings me to new places to grow, I am learning how beautiful grace is and how much of a gift it is. I’m daily receiving it from the Lord, from my team, and myself. I have to remind myself that growth takes time and I am learning how to give myself grace in that process.
