Katelyn is in Malaysia and doesn’t have WiFi, so she asked me to write a guest blog. So, here is a little something from a mother’s perspective.
It was 1 year ago, this month, that Katelyn announced she wanted to do the World Race Gap Year. I had never heard of this program or of Adventures in Mission. She explained the program as a 9 month mission trip to 3 or 4 different countries. HOW COOL! I thought. Then she said it was $16,600.00 and I laughed a little and told her to start fundraising…breathing a slight sigh of relief deep in the pit of my soul knowing that she’d never raise enough money to go, especially since AiM wanted the student to take full responsibility of their fundraising and wanted parents to back off.
The next several months she spread the word and the money came in. She met and exceeded goal funding deadlines and she, we, started to see that this was going to happen. She was going momma..so get use to it!
And I did! I became so excited for her. So excited about the entire experience; the travel, the sights, the people she’d encounter, the friends she’d make, the impact she’d make, the food she’d try, the growth she’d have and the sweet reunion we’d have when she got back. I got so excited about all the things I would be excited about if I were in her shoes.
However, Katelyn isn’t me. She never really had sleepovers or trips away alone (unless she was staying with family). She liked being home and she liked the security and routine of her organized life. Sure, she was a typical teenager that loved the idea of a life on her own and she definitely got more adventurous as she navigated high school…but when life got hard she had a tendency to hunker down in her bed and sleep. This is how she refueled. How she managed stress and how we differed most.
I am sure she was excited about all the things I was excited about, but I am also sure she worried about the impact the travel would have on her physically, the acceptance of the people she’d encounter, the relationships she’d be leaving behind, the illnesses from the water and food she’d digest, the emotional limits she’d be pushed to or past, and the horrible goodbyes she’d have to make. I don’t worry about these things. This is another difference, I’d take the bad with the good and keep moving, not looking back. I manage stress by making myself busy and tackling projects…whatever comes, I push through it…I am strong, right!?
She processes differently, THANK GOD!
As launch day approached, she prepared herself. She wrote necessary letters of goodbye, packed everything she THOUGHT she’d need, learned more about where she’d be and what she’d be doing and repacked. She visited family in New Mexico and Texas and talked to others going on the same trip and repacked again. Finally, she organized her backpack one last time, said her goodbyes and off she went.
Now I am here. Plugging away at life. Staying busy with my family and my job. NOT focusing on the void she left. Tackling projects…pushing forward…whatever comes!! Obviously, this is not sustainable. I will never be busy enough to eliminate the worries that creep into my mind when I’m not preoccupied. I do know this!
God is good, however. He knows my strengths and my weaknesses. He is teaching me to lean on His faithfulness as I remind Katelyn to trust Him everytime she reaches out with a personal struggle she’s having, or as I remind her to thank Him for all the awesome experiences she is having and new relationships she’s forming. He is reminding me that she is His daughter and He loves her more than I can imagine. He is strengthening me as I pray daily that He guard and protect her, but mostly that He grows her. That He uses this experience to draw her near to Him. that she learns to see the world through His loving eyes. That she breaks just enough that He is able to mold her into the woman of God he created her to be.
And through all this praying, He is revealing to me that this weakness I call strength (the ability I have to lose myself to busyness) is actually being redirected to Him. He is taking the reliance I have on myself away from me. I am becoming truly dependent on Him. In everything. He has my daughter’s life. He has my other 2 daughters lives. He has my marriage, my relationships and my job. He has me! This is a sweet, soul refreshing truth that I am finding rest in.
God didn’t take Katelyn on this journey to use her to impact His kingdom. He took her to impact her. He took her to impact me, because He cares deeply about me and my walk with Him. I love that I can give myself to a God that sees the big picture and navigates lives to fulfill His purpose in them, for them.
2 Cor. 12:9-10…He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.
