This is an email I sent to my mom about camp, and I thought this would be a cool way to “spice” up the blogs, ha! I want to keep you guys updated, and I want to be real and raw, so here we go:
September 22, 2019
Hey mama, it’s Sunday night and we’re at a kids camp that we are group leaders at and we stay in the cabin with a few. We’ve been here since Thursday and we’ll be here until Tuesday. It’s been hard for me, honestly. It’s made me feel really homesick and seeking comfort a lot, but thankfully today was a really good day. We had a church service at one of the local church’s today, and it reminded me of home by the atmosphere and worship. And then I got to play sand volleyball, AND even got 3 hours of free time. So today’s been the best day and the easiest day. So many things were good in helping me feel at peace and at “home”. The days before were really hard for me, I was in an unmotivated and uneasy mood, and wanted to cry lots, and was wanting to be back in my comfort of home so desperately. The kids here are hard to work with and be around constantly. Being the leader is hard, and it’s one of the first times that I’ve actually had to be the leader of something like this. Thankfully, I really enjoy my specific group and their hearts. They are 14-17 years old and most of them really love Jesus. I have 9 kids I am leading. However, the other 100+ kids here at the camp are really challenging for me to lead. I am learning a lot though, and I’m learning I can survive and be okay in this atmosphere and in discomfort. Honestly this camp setting almost reminds me of prison and how you live. Constant community, inches apart from one another. Living spaces are tiny, like 3 bunk beds right next to each other, and that’s it. Loud people, and I just am wanting to sleep. Etc, etc, etc! I feel your pain mama. I sympathize and I am so sorry. I know yours is a lot harder, but I feel like I can somewhat understand better now from this season I’m in.
I didn’t realize that this would be “this” tough. It’s trying, and to think it’s only month 1 and I have 8 more is sometimes hard for me to comprehend. I took Lubbock for granted, and I’m realizing it now, but I’m also trying to embrace the place I’m in, and not romanticize Lubbock. We were talking today during free time about how when we weren’t on the Race, while we were just at home, we romanticized the Race because we only knew what people shared, and even if they shared the raw moments, people perceive what they hear how they want to, therefore it can still be seen as “dreamy”. And so now that I’m actually on the field, it’s like I romanticize Lubbock and I think of the small, sweet moments because I miss it and I’m uncomfortable. It’s hard not to. Just be praying for my heart, that homesickness won’t take me captive. That I can embrace where my feet are, and fully soak in everything, and wholeheartedly pour into those around me. For me, in general, that I can speak and pray with boldness and confidence. And that I can share my story and be vulnerable without shying away and being afraid. That I can share my heart because it’s glorifying the Lord, and the Lord gave me community TO share. That the Lord will bless me with words to say in each moment, and in each prayer. So often, I have no idea what to say, and my brain never goes back to scripture in what to say, so I just ask you pray for the Lord to speak to me, and for me to be able to hear it and receive it. Thank you, mamasita. Send me your prayer requests. I love you more.
September 23, 2019
It’s 9:32pm, and I’m about to go to bed! I need to brush my teeth and take out my contacts and then I’ll sleep! Then tomorrow we leave camp! Bittersweet honestly. It wasn’t until today that I started feeling sad about leaving my kiddos. I truly love them all so much. They are so sweet, and I am just so blessed to know each one of them. But I am grateful to go back to GLA, and find rest and comfort again. Camp overall, I think was really cool and sweet. On the second to last day, we did a local outreach with our group of kids. We walked around downtown J-bay and had a list of different challenges to complete. A couple of them consisted of praying over strangers, and sharing your testimony with 5 strangers. Those two were the hardest for my kids, and they were hard for me, too, as I am still learning myself about evangelism and boldness in those areas. But, it was really cool, and really fruitful. It was neat to see how my shyest kids during group time were some of the first to step out in courage for the local evangelism.
Camp was hard while it was going, because it was uncomfortable, and something I hadn’t ever done before. But, seeing the fruits after is what I am focusing on now. I grew, and I learned. And that’s what matters.
P.s. one thing I am struggling with is overeating, because I think I am finding comfort in food. So, that’s another thing I need prayer over!
September 26, 2019
It’s Thursday, and we got back to GLA Tuesday, and had the second half of Tuesday off to rest and get refueled for ministry. Our squad is kind of all split up around campus, doing different tasks as ministry. A couple girls and my ministry is sanding and painting a few walls in one of the houses on campus, and we finished that this morning before lunch, and so our second half of the day, we deep-cleaned the classroom, that hadn’t been cleaned since it was built! So, that was cool.
It’s really easy to feel purposeless when your ministry days look like simple tasks like those, but I always try to remind myself that whether it feels like it or not, an impact is being made. I may not be sharing the gospel during scheduled ministry time, or loving on kiddos during ministry time, but that doesn’t mean I can’t share the gospel and love on people off of campus, walking to the store, doing every day things. It also doesn’t mean its purposeless either, it’s actually so purposeful and it’s LONG-term. Which I always try to remind myself. We’re going where there are needs, and that’s what the Lord’s called us to do.
September 28, 2019
Today! Yesterday our ministry hosts surprised us with a day off and took us to a local watering hole. We jumped off a 45 foot cliff, and went sliding down a waterfall, and they even grilled us burgers. It was a ton of fun, but also my body is SORE, big time. HA! We still love adventure, though.;) After that, I mostly rested, and then to end the night we had a squad movie night, watching Nacho Libre (shoutout to Bryson and dad). Because we watched that, it made me feel really close to home because dad and Bryson love it so much. It was sweet. Now, today, I am sitting with some of my friends at this cute restaurant called Nina’s, working on blogs, and talking to family. My heart is truly happy, even though sometimes it’s hard to see that when I feel very uncomfortable. Discomfort is so good for me, and I continue to remind myself that. I am content here, and GLA is amazing. I love this community around me, and everyone’s heart for the Lord. I feel wholesome and filled up, genuinely. I am happy, like filled with a joy that only comes from Jesus. A joy that I haven’t felt before!
I love you more, talk soon.
