We’re heading home tonight. After 8 short months. I’m still shaken by this news.
I’m heartbroken. I’m afraid. I’m trying to be positive. I’m trying to see the Father in all of this chaos. A few days ago I thought our squad was headed to South America to finish our our 3 months together. Then things just started drastically changing. First, our parent trip was cancelled. Two days later, we were told our race was cancelled.
I don’t understand. Why? It’s not fair. Many of us have been planning, saving, and working for this journey for years. Now the rug has been pulled from underneath us. It’s one thing to know when something is supposed to end—you can plan. We thought we had more time together. This group of people has become my family. I thought we had 3 more months. I thought we would get a final week together, at the end of the race, to readjust, love, pray, and mourn together. Now, I don’t even know when I’ll see you all again. God willing we will have a two-day debrief together in New York. But who really knows? As of now the government says we can’t meet in groups of more than 10 people at a time. At best, this means X-Squad will never be in the same room again for who knows how long. At worst, the government will change its mind about having any sort of gatherings before we arrive in New York, at which point X-Squad will disseminate and go separate ways.
I love my people back home. Of course I want to see you all. I’m just not ready to say goodbye to these people yet. There was still so much to be done. When people say they’re happy I’m coming home, I struggle. When people want to start planning things back home I struggle. My head and my heart are not there yet.
Currently, I’m mourning. This whole thing feels like a surprise death in the family. Sudden and unfair. My heart hurts. Please be patient with me while my emotions catch up to my body.
The enemy is using this moment to try and separate the church body—what better way than a global pandemic and hurting the hearts of Christians?
I was reading Acts this morning, and got to the part where Peter and John escape prison with the help of the angels. The council gets mad and tells them not to speak the name of Jesus any longer, but Peter and John “…did not cease teaching and preaching Jesus as the Christ.”
Later, in Acts, as Saul is wreaking havoc of the church, the disciples are scattered everywhere, but they continue to preach the word.
While this next season of life is certainly unforeseen and unplanned, even heartbreaking and frustrating, really, it is our next test. In response to fear and uncertainty we have two options: 1. Retreat back into our old selves, bad habits, and seclusion. 2. Stand up and fight the battle in front of us.
God has prepared us all for moments such as these. He needs His warriors to help fight this battle of fear, panic, hopelessness, and disbelief in America. The enemy is challenging us to see what we’ll do once we’re put back into the society of plenty and easy access to sin.
Let’s come together and pray for one another. Let’s remain a body in Christ even from afar. If you’re worried about anything, it’s not of Christ. Find your peace in this chaos, because that peace is the Good Father speaking time and hugging His child.
We’ve got this, X-Squad. Month 9–USA, we are ready.
