Update: Though the World Race’s parent organization, Adventures in Missions, gave their best efforts to keep us overseas, as countries around the world began to rapidly close their borders, they made the difficult decision to bring home all internationally-based trip participants. My squad arrived back in the United States on March 18. If you would like more timely updates on this journey, please feel free to follow me on social media where I post a bit more often.
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As I walked out the doors of the airport’s secured area, I felt tears forming in my eyes. Greeted by my younger sister, those tears began to roll down my face, as I hugged her for the first time in two-and-a-half months.
Having thought of home every day since I left Missouri, I often dreamed of how sweet it would be to return. Tears, upon my return, did not seem surprising, as I assumed that many happy tears would be shed, as I embraced my family and friends for the first time in eleven months.
But these tears were different than I had imagined. They were not happy tears. They were exhausted, overwhelmed, sad tears.
This was not how I wanted to return home, and it certainly was not when I wanted to return home.
When my team received the news that we would be heading home, we were living at a girls’ home with 24 incredible sisters, ages 5-18, and the family that cared for the girls. I wish I could share all of the sweet details of this place with you, but for the protection of those at the home, I won’t be sharing details in a blog post.
I will, however, say this: the opportunity to live at this home in the mountains and to love, encourage, invest in, and learn from these kind, brave, faith-filled individuals was a gift. If you read my journal entry from my first morning there, you would think that you stepped into a dream, and that’s because I felt like I was living in a dream.
Three days into our should-have-been-a-month-long-dream, we found out that we were being relocated to a new country due to the Coronavirus pandemic, and we needed to book our train back to the city as soon as possible. From the city, we would fly to Kyrgyzstan, bypassing our locations for months four and five and heading straight to month six.
We wrestled with this news. We had already started to form deep relationships with the girls, and the thought of leaving them so suddenly was heartbreaking. They had opened up their hearts and lives to us so quickly, and we worried that they might not understand our sudden departure. They asked us many times not to leave but remained full of grace in this tough situation. And while it did not make up for us having to say goodbye to our sisters so soon, we felt thankful that we were not being sent home.
A teammate had received the prophetic words, “Everything can change in an instant,” earlier in our trip.
And everything did change in an instant.
The next morning, we learned that things had changed. We were being sent home.
Five days, nine hours on a train, 23 ½ hours on planes, and a bajillion really difficult goodbyes later, and I found myself in the Springfield airport, hugging my sister, and crying.
Since the beginning of this much-shorter-than-expected journey, Isaiah 55:12 has been a theme verse for me: “You will go out in joy and be led forth in peace; the mountains and hills will burst into song before you, and all the trees of the field will clap their hands.”
That verse held true as I left Missouri, and it held true as I left the Race eight-and-a-half months early. The joy and peace of the Lord never left me. But although I had joy and peace, I certainly wasn’t feeling very happy about the whole situation. (If you are unsure of the difference between joy and happiness and how a person can have one without the other, please send me a message! This is an important-to-me element of my faith, and I’d love to share more with you!)
Feelings are valid, but as I have learned over time, feelings can also lie to us, tricking us into believing things that are not Truth.
During the five days in which I was traveling home, it was difficult to set aside quality time with the Lord to process through things. I hadn’t talked to Him about what was happening. I hadn’t asked Him my questions or shared my concerns.
I was feeling a lot of things, and I wasn’t laying any of those feelings at His feet.
And it showed.
I landed in Missouri feeling pretty grumbly, mopey, and unhappy–characteristics I would only use to describe myself when I haven’t allowed Jesus to be a part of all parts of my life.
I needed Truth in my life.
Fortunately, over the course of my first week in quarantine, I received an attitude adjustment.
I went to the Lord, and I spent time with Him.
I could tell you all of the things that made me grumbly, mopey, and unhappy, but that would be pointless because God has filled the hurting parts of my heart. Now, I’m not just full of joy; I am so, so happy!
The World Race’s goal is to send us back out once this pandemic passes, but there’s no telling when that will be, and nothing is guaranteed.
With that being said, I am confident that I made the right decision to go on the World Race. Though I hope and pray that I do get to go back overseas and finish this journey (and go to Kyrgyzstan because the Lord put that country on my heart months and months ago, and I want to find out why!), giving up my dream teaching job, living space, and more was worth it to experience all that God had for me during my time spent in Australia, Indonesia, and South Asia.
I don’t know what the future holds, but I will hold onto the words of “Hindsight”, my current song-on-repeat: “I don’t need to know what the future says / ‘cuz if the past could talk, it would tell me this / My God isn’t finished yet / If He did it before, He can do it again / So I’ll trust Him with what comes next / For the God I know is known for faithfulness / Yeah, my hindsight says I can trust Him with what’s next / For the God I know is known for faithfulness”
I believe in God’s faithfulness. I’ve experienced His faithfulness.
He is faithful, and He is good.
I am excited to see what He has in store for the future.
I will continue to post blogs and keep you updated while I am home.
As always, thank you for being a part of this journey.
XO,
Jami
