I know it’s been a while since I’ve written a blog. I’ve sat down many times to write a blog about my time in Ecuador, but for some reason, the words never come. I’m still not sure how to summarize my time there. Ministry was busy and wonderful. We spent the majority of our time chillin with residents of a nursing home, putting on a kids program for children who live in/around the local garbage dump, and going to youth group.
I realize now that I haven’t been able to put Ecuador into words because of how rough of a month it was for me. Don’t get me wrong—ministry was GREAT and our hosts were the literal BEST. But I wasn’t great. I realized towards the end of November and our time in Ecuador that I never took the time to process leaving home. I never let myself grieve the life I was leaving behind. And honestly I didn’t know that I needed to until recently.
Why would I need to grieve something I was leaving behind in order to follow one of my dreams? Seemed silly to me at first but the Lord has been revealing to me that sometimes even our dreams require sacrifice. In order to follow this dream I had to sacrifice a year of being with my family, sleeping in my own bed, privacy… so many things. And of course, I knew I would be sacrificing all of those things when I left home, but I don’t think the weight of that sacrifice hit me until Ecuador. Thanksgiving to be exact.
Now all my family back home knows that Thanksgiving is one of my least favorite holidays. Not because I have anything against the holiday itself, but getting together with the whole fam to eat a good meal is kind of a regular thing for the Laguna/Albritton/May/Pixcar/Smith clan. That being said, I was doing pretty okay being away from home for the holiday. Cooking with my teammates was so much fun, and the food was even better!
As we sat around the table a question was asked that unlocked feelings I didn’t know were hidden. “Who in your life are you most thankful for this year?”
Before even thinking of a specific person I was overcome with grief. I wanted to answer the question but I couldn’t even think about it without tears. I instantly thought about my family back home. I thought about my Mom and how close we’ve become over the past year. I thought about my Dad and all the random phone calls or long chats about video games. I thought about my sister and how much she annoys me, but also how she’s my best friend and biggest supporter. I thought about my brother and how we always exchange random facts that most people don’t care about, but know each other will appreciate. I thought about my grandma and all the crazy hilarious things she whispers under her breath. I thought about all the birthday parties and family get togethers I missed so far and the many more to come.
The thoughts just kept rolling and the tears kept flowing. I spent one hour in the bathroom crying until I had nothing more to cry. The only thing I wanted to do was call my Mom, but I couldn’t. Not because I didn’t have access to a phone, but because I knew my Mom’s voice would only make things worse. There’s just something about Moms, ya know? They always know when something is wrong and I knew hearing my Mom’s voice would be more hurtful than helpful. Sorry, Mom. If you were wondering why I haven’t called there you have it….
Anyway, why am I telling you all this? I wanted to take a moment to be real. I know I’ve posted some cool pictures and shared with people that I’m having a great time, and don’t get me wrong—I am! But not everyday is great. Being away from home is hard. Not speaking the local language is hard. Having no roots is hard. The World Race is hard.
But the World Race is also beautiful. I’ve made friendships to last a lifetime. Met incredible people. And experienced God on whole new levels. It’s only Month 3 and I already know I’ll be coming home different.
