The month in Zambia was filled with talking about Jesus every single day, dancing to African worship songs, yet one thing that’s for sure, God and I were not in sync.
Being on the race, you see a change. The comforts have been stripped away. From connection to wifi and consistent electricity and water to the comfort of air conditioning when it’s 90+ degrees and foods you’re body is used to. You either have a choice to turn to God in these times of discomfort or to turn away from Him.
Each morning I would wake up with no hunger for His word. I would see my teammates reading their Bibles and I would feel no desire to open mine. I would listen to worship music and just sit there. I felt confused and didn’t understand.
I didn’t understand how I was surrounded by so much kingdom every single day, yet felt so distant from the Lord. I didn’t understand how last month was so fruitful and this month felt so dry. I didn’t understand how I could be on a year long journey of serving God and feel so distant from Him.
I had this big idea that leaving the States for a year to serve would mean God and I would become closer than ever before. But reality is nothing has really changed. To the outside moving to a new country each month, living out of a backpack, and doing ministry is a crazy life. Yet to us, this has become life. We are just waking up each morning living life. This is normal now. It was a big wake up call this month when it became evident that this new life doesn’t directly relate to my relationship with God.
Our month in Zambia I went through the motions of being a “missionary” and even a Christian. I read scriptures to people on the streets, quoted John 3:16, prayed for jobs, healings, and salvations. But honestly, my heart wasn’t in it.
But the thing about God is He meets us where we are. He met me in Zambia, still pursuing me even though I wasn’t pursuing Him. He showed me so much grace and love.
My God is the same in America, the same in Zambia, and the same in Malawi. It doesn’t matter what continent I’m on, what my profession is; what’s consistent is who He is. He is gracious. He is worthy. He is holy. He is comforting. He is loving. He is matchless.
