I don’t think it fully hit me until tonight that leaving for a three month mission trip in the middle of nowhere Asia is now my reality. When I first applied, even though I was one of the last on my team to join, it seemed so far away. But now that my first semester of sophomore year is coming to a close, it’s all starting to feel so real. This was especially true tonight. I’m apart of a group on my campus called Intervarsity, which is an Interdenominational Christian Fellowship that offers small group bible studies, large group meetings with speakers, worship nights, and some of the best people that attend Carroll University (that opinion is completely unbiased). Tonight was the last large group for the semester, which means my last for quite some time. We worshipped for almost the entire time, which had already brought tears to my eyes. However, at the end, one of the leaders had all five of us who won’t be at Carroll next semester come to the center of the room. The five of us held hands and tried to fight back tears while the other 50 or so people put their hands on us and prayed out loud for all of our next endeavors. In short, I would be lying if I said I wasn’t bawling by the end of it.
In the midst of the prayer, I was overwhelmed with the thoughts of all the things I would be leaving behind. Going to bible study on Monday nights and large group on Wednesday nights has made this school year some of the best few months I’ve had. In just over a month, I won’t be greeted with the same friendly faces going to worship night. I won’t have my goofy roommates to cry to and laugh with. I won’t have my family to come visit me when I’ve had a rough week.
But that’s where God stopped me.
This trip isn’t about what I’m leaving behind or what I’m going to miss, or about me at all in complete honesty. This trip is about how God can use my team to further the Kingdom. If He is telling me to leave all these wonderful things behind, then I know without a doubt in my mind that better things are ahead.
Similarly, while thinking about this trip, beneath all the excitement and chaos, there’s an underlying feeling of inadequacy. While I know who my identity is in Christ, I sometimes can’t help but wonder “Why would God use me?”. Of all people, why did he pick a 19-year-old girl living in America’s Dairyland to go halfway around the world? Truth be told, I can’t answer this yet, and I might not ever be able to. But recently I’ve been finding a lot of comfort in the words of Bob Goff in his book “Love Does”. I was feeling these exact thoughts the other night when I opened it up to read a chapter before bed. He addressed my exact concerns. He reminded me that I don’t need to be the pope or a celebrity or a worship band member to spread His words. In fact, more often than not, God uses ordinary people like you and me. And if the King of Kings thinks that I am good enough to be a modern day disciple, then who am I to second guess that?
On a lighter note, getting ready – well, attempting to get ready – for this experience has been an adventure all on its own. I have been able to connect with the girls on my team, which has been so cool to hear their stories of how they got connected with this trip. From California to South Carolina, this team is coast to coast. It’s crazy to think we will all be meeting at training camp in just 49 days. Our packing lists are enough to make me panic between outlet converters and malaria pills (yes that’s right – I might contract malaria overseas, sorry mom!!). Anyways, I guess the point of this was just to show a small glance at what’s been going on around me, in my head, and logistically while preparing to leave so soon.
I just want to end this with a HUGE thank you to everyone who has been supporting me in any kind of way thus far. I appreciate it more than words have to offer, so truly, genuinely, from the bottom of my heart, thank you 🙂
