By the time you’re reading this, it will be day 10 of the world race. The first few days in Atlanta for Launch were the most emotionally overwhelming days of my entire life. I felt so much, and I didn’t know how to handle it. Naturally, my body’s way of processing it all was to cry. A lot.
I felt sad, scared, and confused.
SAD:
Right before Launch, I had to say all of my goodbyes pretty much all at once. I never imagined telling my family and best friends goodbye would be this hard. The goodbyes were almost like a grieving process. Leaving America was a grieving process- the death of an old journey into the life of a new one. I won’t lie, I even cried myself to sleep a couple times in the hotel in Atlanta.
SCARED:
This is one I hadn’t really felt before. And it wasn’t even fear about the dangers I’ll encounter or the risks that I’ll take, but fear about life after the race. (Which I realize seems so silly to worry about a year from now, but I was). I don’t know what changes will come in my life, and I’m scared of how that will look when I enter back into America and reunite with old friends. Will they love me even though I’m different? Will they still accept me for who I am- even when who I am is not who I was when I left? My parents on the other hand, you’re stuck with me regardless 😉
CONFUSED:
I think I could almost call this denial. How in the world am I so privileged enough to get this opportunity? How lucky I really am to have dreams and have the tangible resources to actually be able to chase after them. I am really about to be gone for a very long 11 months that in the end, will also seem to have flashed by in the blink of an eye. I am not qualified for this. I am not knowledgeable enough for this. I am not selfless enough for this. I am not patient enough for this. These are all thoughts the enemy was feeding me during Launch. These thoughts keep us from living life to the fullest and living according to His purpose for us. Despite that I may not be any of those things, He is. He is qualified. He is wise. He is selfless. He is patient. He is. God uses ordinary people to show that He can do anything.
I repeated over and over in my head during launch, “I don’t know, but I trust.” Now that I am 10 days into the race, those feelings have slowly been replaced with peace. I have already seen the Lord working in my life even in these short 10 days. One of my favorite Hillsong Young & Free songs is “Peace” and some of the lyrics say:
“You will stay true, even when the lies come. Your word remains Truth even when my thoughts don’t line up…You are peace when my fear takes hold…Dare anxiety come, I’ll remember that peace is a promise You keep.”
With Love,
Hals
